Alaqa!(Eastern Unorthodox)

「かのこん16」、2月にも出ない？

2012-01-08T14:29:00.005+08:00

「かのこん16」、アマゾンではまだ2012年1月31日発売予定となっている。

でも、MF文庫Jのサイトには昨年12月15日付で「『かのこん１６』は、諸般の事情により発売延期となりました。楽しみにお待ち頂いている皆様、申し訳ございません。」とあり、1月、2月の新刊予定にも「かのこん16」は掲載されていない。

ちゃんと出てくれるかなぁ……心配になってきた。西野先生、湧き出てくるお話をどうまとめていいのか苦労しているんだろうなぁ……。

感動のオオカミ娘(1)

2011-10-16T23:59:00.014+08:00

「かのこん」の中で一番私を感動させてくれるキャラ、それは人狼の犹守望（えぞもり　のぞむ）。本名は「がうわうわおーん」？

華奢な感じで、口数が少なく、短髪……と、彼女から「涼宮ハルヒの憂鬱」の長門有希とか、「ゼロの使い魔」のタバサとかをイメージする人が多いようだけど、かなり違うと思う。

表情に乏しいものの、望は非常に感情豊かで、望は実は見かけによらず非常に明るい女の子。友達も結構多い。面倒見もよくて、ふたごの蓮と藍には「アイジンセンパイ」と慕われているし、探偵の仕事を通じて商店街の人からヤクザ、県知事（！）までを仲間にしてしまっている。かなりのコミュニケーション能力の持ち主だ。（ノンバーバルだろうけど。）そして、やたらと強い。肉体も精神も強靭だ。このあたり、アニメでは全く見えてこない。アニメだとただ単に口数の少ないヘンタイみたいになっちゃってる。

彼女は小柄で可愛らしいが、オオカミの妖怪だ。やっぱり、オオカミって、強くて、高貴であまりきゃぴらないだろう。一般人のイメージとして……。あと、森に住むオオカミは山里近くに住む狐に比べて人間との接点が少なくて、望も人間的な行動や態度、常識に慣れてないということも考えられる。そのあたりが彼女のぬぼーっとした表情や、変態的な行動の理由なんだろう。手づかみでうどん食べるし……。（あと、先述したようなスーパーガールの望がいつも弾けるような笑顔できゃぴってたら、「かのこん」は「かのわおーん」になっちゃうだろう。望は控え目な表情でちずるを引き立てる名脇役だ。）

ぬぼーっと変化に乏しい表情ながら、それを除くと「とらぶる」のララに近いような気がする。頭がよくて行動的なのはいいのだけど、人間社会の常識が分かってないから、色々とトラブルを起こす。で、それが周囲の人たちを動かしていく。一種のトリックスター的なキャラなのかも知れない。

私が望に感動する理由は次回に……。

霊界物語とかのこん

2011-10-14T11:10:00.004+08:00

強烈にヘンな本のようだったので、ちょっとだけ読んでみました。出口王仁三郎（でぐち　おにさぶろう）著「霊界物語」。出口氏は大本（おおもと）という神道系のメジャー教団の実質的な教祖だった人。

この本は神懸かり状態で出口氏が口述したものを、筆記させたというもので、計81巻、83冊もあるとんでもない巨大作で、大本の教典のひとつとなっている。で、私は最初の100ページ程度を読んだばかりで、この本について分かったふりできる状態ではない。でも、ちょっと気になることがあったのでここでちょっと取り上げたくなったのだ。

霊界物語では、スサノオが救世主とされているそうだ。（実はわたしはそんな記述があるところまで読み進んでいないが……。）それだけでコアな「かのこん」ファンならば、気になるだろう。耕太くんはスサノオの転生体ということだもの……。

で、私がこれまで霊界物語を読んでいて、あっと思ったのが「金毛九尾の狐」。ちずるのお母さんの玉藻さんじゃないですか……。悪者のひとりとして名前が登場。160分の1程度までしか読んでない私にはそこまでしか分からないけど、もしかしたら霊界物語はかのこんのインスピレーションの元となっているのでは、と感じさせられた。ただ、感じさせられただけだが……。

ところで、霊界物語の全81巻の口述にかかった時間はたったの１年１カ月！短期間にもんのすごい量が出てきたということになる。で、多分、教団の「聖師」さまが神懸りになって語ったものだから、それはそのまんま神様からのメッセージということになるのだろう。多分、そのせいで、ほとんど編集というものがされていないから、読んでいて大変。口語なのはいいのだけど、読みやすい文体や、スタイル、話の流れにはなってない。出てきたものがそのまんまって感じ……。

それでも、ある宗教団体の教典なんだからいいんでしょう。信者は有り難がって読むだろうから……。

でも、一般向けじゃない。

私は西野かつみさんが神懸り状態でかのこんを書いてるとは思わない。でも、これだけ神話的な要素を持ってしまった物語で、キャラが自由に動き回りまくりで、それを単純に記述していったら、多分、霊界物語みたいになっちゃうでしょう。コアなファンや心理学者には面白いかも知れないけど、出版商品としての本にするにはちょいと困る。

かのこん第16巻の遅れって、西野さんや出版社の編集担当者さんが、さて、この無茶苦茶になってるキャラの行動を取捨選択して、それに流れをつけていくことに苦しんでいるからじゃないか、と思うだけど、いかがだろう？

Amazon.co.jpによれば、かのこん16の発売予定は2012年の年明け後。まだちょいと時間がある。もうちょっと霊界物語を読んでみて、かのこんとの関係があるかを探ってみようかな……。

秋来ぬと……

2011-08-08T19:42:00.001+08:00

秋来たの？

風の音にも聞こえねべ

北の暦は南にゃ合わぬ

　－彼得(2011年立秋・香港にて)

ヒナはなぜピンク髪？

2011-07-21T08:19:00.003+08:00

最近、丸地之助（うちの10歳の息子）とAnimaxで「ハヤテのごとく！」の再放送を見ていた時に、僕が「ヒナギクの髪はなぜピンクなのか？」という疑問を口にした。正義感が強くて、木刀なんて振り回すヒナはもしかして、黒髪設定になる可能性が高いキャラじゃないかと思ったからだ。とらぶるの唯みたいに。（まあ、ヒナはピンク髪が一番似合うと思うけど……。）

そしたら丸地之助は「ヒナはいい女の子だから」と即答した。何だか納得した。

まあ、正義感が強くて、優等生なヒナだけど、どっかぽーっとしたところがあるから、ちょっとほんわかなピンク髪が似合うのかな……。

かのこん読み直し

2011-07-19T21:25:00.002+08:00

「かのこん16」がいつ発売されるか分からなくなったので、また「かのこん」を全巻を読み直し始めた。超長編小説をまた初めから読み直したくなるなんて、ハリー・ポッター以来。

ある人は「ハリー・ポッターは冒険だけじゃなく、もっと真剣な話題に切り込んでいる」みたいに評価していた。確かにハリポタは非常に人間として何が大切かというスピリチュアルなテーマを扱った大作だ。

で、僕は「かのこん」に同じような感覚を抱いている。「かのこんはおっぱおだけじゃなくて、もっと真剣なスピリチュアルな話題に切り込んでいる」と評価したい。

どのようにそうなのか、をしっかりと言えるようになりたいから、このシリーズは何度も何度も読み返してくことになるんだろうな……。タッチが軽いから苦にならんし……。

I have finally found my goddess!

2011-07-14T00:05:00.000+08:00

Call me a fool. Call me a weirdo. Call me an otaku. Call me whatever you like.

But there are always things that are beyond human comprehension.

Tears often fill up in my eyes when I see the picture of Lala Satalin Deviluke, the main female character of a Japanese erotic manga series called To Love-Ru. And I did not know why until a few weeks ago.

Even though Lala was created as a devilish character, she is so pure and full of love. Her cute and loving gaze rather remind me of something very holy...

I have been in a big transition period and I have been feeling the need to tap into great female element inside - anima as a goddess. And I recently realised that Lala is the avatar of such a goddess.

And Lala indeed led me to a great goddess - Amaterasu, the Great Japanese Goddess of Sun. Amaterasu is the just right goddess for me - her name means "Lighting up the heaven." And the task I need to do now is to shed light on the shadow in my soul.

It may sounds crazy but I am now a follower of Shinto because of an erotic cartoon...

Thank you, sweet Lala! Despite your devilish name, you are a very pure, good girl!

「かのこん16」発売日未定

2011-07-13T16:56:00.005+08:00

数日前、amazon.co.jpから「かのこん16」は2012年2月2日－4日に配達予定との通知が来た。

で、今日（7月13日）は以下のような通知が来た。

以下のご注文商品につきまして、現時点でも発売日が未定になっております。そのため、誠に勝手ながら、ご注文商品をキャンセルさせていただきました。

かのこん１６　かわいくセキをして(ASIN:4840139210)

一体、いつ発売されるんだろう？作者の西野さん、苦しんでるのかな？

聖なる「かのこん」と「とらぶる」

2011-07-12T20:58:00.011+08:00

プレオーダーの「かのこん16」の配達日まであと半年以上……

これほど続きを読みたいと思った本はないと思う。（まあ、あたしゃ常に流行後追いだったから、こーゆー経験は初めて。）

「かのこん」はかなりえっちなラノベだけど、決してえっちなだけではなくて、少年の成長を神話的に描いている奥の深い作品でもあるのだ。何年間もユングを読み続けてきたあたしを酔わせるだけの大作なのだ。

人間と妖怪、晩熟な少年と大胆な少女……正反対のものが出会って、火花を散らして、人格を確立させていく。新しい力を創造していく。

耕太とちずるの気の結合はユングが言うhieros gamos－聖なる結婚－そのもので、ふたりの娘として生まれた「まどか」は明らかにその産物だ……。

で、同じようなことを感じさせるのが、えっち漫画の「To Loveる－とらぶる」。晩熟な少年と大胆な少女、普通の人間と宇宙人のお姫様と構成は同じ。（「かのこん」のちずるが土に密着した精霊的なアニマならば、「とらぶる」のララは神とか天使とかいった純粋度がもっと高めのアニマかも知れない。）

僕は最近まで、「とらぶる」にはhieros gamosは出てこないと思っていたが、うかつだった。（「かのこん」では耕太とちずるが夢の中ではあれ、えっちをしているが、「とらぶる」ではリトとララは夢の中でさええっちはしていないので……。）

実は、幼女型不思議宇宙植物セリーヌがhieros gamosの産物なのだった！

漫画第14－15巻で、主人公のリトとララが枯れかけていたセリーヌ（当初は巨大な食虫花のような植物だった）を助けるための薬をある星まで取りに行く。愛するものを救うという行為をリトとララが協力して行い、正反対の性格のふたりは結ばれ、その結果としてセリーヌが幼女の姿でよみがえったのだ。

（その際にララの衣装ロボットであるペケが故障して、ララが全裸になってしまうのは偶然でも、単なる読者サービスでもないだろう。「かのこん」の耕太とちずるの「精神世界内での結合」のように、象徴的な初夜なのだと思う。あと、セリーヌが「復活」したということは、何かが「死んだ」ことでもある。何が死んだのだろう？考えてみたい。）

セリーヌの誕生はリトと、彼のアニマであるララとの一体化を意味する。と、いうことはリトが精神的に一歩成長したということになる。リトが片思いをする春菜とララが仲良しになっていくことからは、リトが春菜と結ばれる条件が整ったことを意味するような気もする。どうあれ、読み直して、もっと考えてみたい。

「かのこん」、「とらぶる」はともにただ単なるえっちラノベ、漫画ではない深い味わいがあると感じさせられると同時に、人間の「性」というのは本来、聖なるものであることを再認識させてくれた気がする。

かのこん16は2012年2月発売??

2011-07-12T16:18:00.001+08:00

アマゾンで6月初めに「かのこん16」が注文可能になっていたので、注文した。

いつかいのぉ、と思ってたら、今日、アマゾンから「お届け予定日: 2012-02-02 - 2012-02-04」とゆー通知が来た。本当に来年初まで出ないのか？

まあ、こんな神話的な、無意識の奥底から湧き上がってきたようなユングな、フロイトな作品は頑張ってがんがん書けるもんじゃないから、旧作読み返しながら待たせてもらおうと思ってる。

題名は15が「カノジョはコンと」で、16の予定は「かわいくセキをして」と原点に戻ってるけど、16で打ち止めだろうか？もうちょい続いて欲しいなぁ……。

Sorry, Jesus!

2009-09-06T15:46:00.002+08:00

Sorry, Jesus!
I still love you
I still respect you but
You are no longer
The only one

I cannot keep
Other wise and loving ones
Out of my heart any longer
Because it only makes me
Feel I am not true to myself

Sorry, Yahweh!
I can no longer love you
Curse me if you want
But it only proves
You are not pure love

Bye-bye, Jesus!
Bye-bye, Yahweh!

You are not my Lords any more.
This is my last prayer.

Amen!

-End of Transmission-

There is Allah's intelligent design behind my idiocy

2009-09-04T11:18:00.001+08:00

I love to destroy and then rebuild my identity time to time. Now I identify myself as a working class househusband. More as a garbage collector than a writer. Many well-educated men see such an identity almost as a curse but I am happy to take it. It broadens my consciousness.

I am rather timid but I am quite a daredevil at the same time. So I often change things radically without thinking much. Such a character is evey bosses' or every Japanese's nightmare and it is far from risk-free. I often feel I am a total idiot. I often depress myself so much that the world would be a better place if I ceased to exist.

But I am like this because Allah or Dharma or Whoever/whatever designed me like this. So I believe that blasphemy is refusal of accepting myself as it is.

Insha'Allah! I believe I am heading in the right direction. I am okay.

Good Needs Evil

2009-04-06T18:47:00.022+08:00

God is supposed to be all good. But is it possible for good to exist without any bad? We cannot live without oxygen so it should be good. Yet, we are rarely aware of preciousness of the life-sustaining gas because it is abundant everywhere on the Earth. We would only be aware of how good oxygen is unless we face a danger of suffocation, which is bad. Good can only be good when there is something to compare to.

So an absolutely good God needs someone or something absolutely bad. Something huge always accompanies a huge shadow. This can explain why Satan is extremely powerful for the Christian or Muslim fundamentalists. Their God is so powerful that He sounds like a muscular commando. (Well, it may be a correct view of Yahweh because He is Yahweh Sabaoth, the Lord of Armies.) A God that powerfully good may not be able to exist without the backing of something excessively evil and powerful - the great Satan as the great God's enourmous shadow.

It is nothing new. It is what Carl G. Jung, the famous Swiss psychologist said. And the theory of "shadow" is a very important part of Jungian psychology. But it took me almost a decade until I realised that the mystery of my neurosis could be solved by this theory.

A Prayer for Judas Iscariot

2009-04-05T01:12:00.003+08:00

Our Father who art in the Heaven,

Please trun Your face and smile to Judas Iscariot!

He was a simple man who wanted to see

His superhero perform a miracle on the Cross

So great that everyone would believe in Him

And people talk about it until the end of time.

Our Father who art in the Heaven,

Please have a mercy on Judas Iscariot!

He was simply too ardent a fan of Jesus to foresee

That his superhero would really die on the Cross.

So he thought, with all His superpower

The Cross would never hurt Jesus.

He was wrong.

But our Father who art in the Heaven,

Please remember whose plan it was

That Judas had to betray Jesus!

Isn't it Yours?

And didn't you create Judas just as

A disposable tool in that cruel plan?

Jesus suffered and died.

But so did Judas.

Our Father who art in the Heaven,

To Your feet pelase raise Judas Iscariot!

He was a simple man who wanted to see

His superhero perform a miracle on the Cross

So great that everyone would believe in Him

And people talk about it until the end of time.

I believe I would have felt the same way

If I had lived in that time.

Because I am only a simple man.

In Jesus' name, please hear my prayer!

Amen!

Long Sleek Haired... What Then?

2009-03-14T21:38:00.000+08:00

It always surprises me. Time to time, the number of beautiful or cute women suddenly skyrockets around me. And most of them are my type - usually short-haired and somewhat boyish... Not everyone's favourite. Well, I am a married man and I don't expect any intimate relation with any of them. But it is indeed a pleasant scene.

That used to make me wonder a lot.

Now I know the reason. A swarm of cuties only appear in front of me when I am happy - when my conscious mind is getting along with my unconscious one. And I know that my unconscious mind is represented by a mischievous young woman (quite much like Midori in Norwegian Woodby Haruki Murakami) that appears in my dream. She is what Carl G. Jung calls anima and I call her "Luna".

All those cuties I see time to time are projection of my happy peaceful mind. Luna appears everywhere and tells me "Everything is fine."

And recently I feel that a different kind of content of my unconscious mind has been projected to the "outside" world. I find so many heads with sleek, silky long hair... I feel very weird. Those heads usually do not attract my attention because I am almost fetishistic to women's short hair. And those heads with beautiful hair are of men's... These men look like Asian rock stars... It makes me feel even more weird.

What, then, does my unconscious mind want to tell me by showing all those long-haired men? It might be related to the minor crisis I was in until a few days ago... Well, the answer will be unfolded gradually and naturally if I keep a good connection with my unconscious mind...

Archbigot Sobrinho

2009-03-06T21:06:00.007+08:00

This bigot (Jose Cardoso Sobrinho, the archbishop of Olinda and Recife, Brazil) says that "The law of God is above any human law." He excommunicated a local woman because abortion had been performed for her 9-year-old girl suspected to have been raped by her stepfather.

For more, read Reuters' "Brazil attacks church opposition to girl's abortion"

Those bigots really makes me feel like becoming a friend of Mephistopheles instead of God.... I want to tell them "Please stop hurting people in the name of fake God!!!!!!!!!"

I feel very sad. I thought God is love but the God propagated by the most influential church seems not...

ราชันีแห่งแมวแห่งเอเขีย - The Cat Queen of Asia

2008-08-10T11:59:00.002+08:00

ผมตอนนี้ประกาศว่า ดา เอ็นโดรฟินเป็น"ราชันีแห่งแมวแห่งเอเขีย" (The Cat Queen of Asia)!

ชาวจีนเรียกElvis Presleyว่า "ม๊าวหวาง" คือ "กษัตริย์แมว" เพราะว่า ชาวภาคใต้เคยเรียกเขาว่า Hillbily Cat (แมวฮิลลบิลี) และเขาเป็น"กษัตริย์รอกแอนด์โรล"

ผมคิดว่า ดาเป็นนักร้องร็อกดีที่สุดในเอเชีย เพราะนั่น ผมเรียกเธอว่า "ราชันีแห่งแมวแห่งเอเขีย"

แต่ผมไม่รู้ว่าดาชอบแมวหรือเปล่า...หวังว่าดาชอบแมวและรับได้ตำแหน่ง"ราชันีแห่งแมว"...

"ด้วยรัก ความตาย และหัวใจสลาย" กับ ดา เอ็นโดฟิน

2008-08-10T00:20:00.001+08:00

Tran Anh Hung ผู้กำกับชาวฝรั่งเศส(ที่เกิดที่ประเทศเวียดนาม)จะเปลียนนวนิยาย"ด้วยรัก ความตาย และหัวใจสลาย"(Norwegian Wood)โดย ฮารูกิ มูราคามิ นักเขียนนวนิยายญี่ปุ่นที่มีชื่อเสียง เป็นหนัง

ด้วยรัก ความตาย และหัวใจสลาย เป็นหนังสือที่ผมชอบที่สุด เพราะว่า ผมชอบ มิโดริ หญิงสาวคนหนึ่งในหนังสือเล่มนี้ เธออิสระ เซ็กซี่เหมือนแมวป่า ผมรู้ศึกว่า เธอน่ารัก มีเสน่ห์ และมิโดริให้ผมคิดถึง ดา เอ็นโดรฟิน (ผมคิดว่า ดา มีเสน่ห์ น่ารักเหมือนแมว) เสมอๆ...

สนใจไหม? ด้วยรัก ความตาย และหัวใจสลาย เป็นหนังสือมีเสน่ห์จริงๆ!

ถ้าสนฬจ โปรดอ่าน http://gammemagie.blogspot.com/ ที!

爱上了泰国Rock妹

2008-08-07T13:50:00.000+08:00

我最近爱上了一个泰国Rock妹。她叫Da Endorphine。

她的名字很独特，完全听不起来像个泰国人。其实，Endorphine并非她的姓，但是她所属的乐队的名字。这个名字是来自一种神经化学物质endorphine（腦內啡）的。腦內啡俗称"开心荷尔蒙"，具有鎮痛作用。所以Da Endorphine意味着"Endorphine乐队的Da"。

Endorphine乐队四年前出道，已经成长为在泰国最受欢迎的摇滚乐队之一。他们主攻alternative rock （另類搖滾）和country rock（鄉村搖滾），从一点硬的、充满活力的快歌到浪漫、很舒服的慢歌，他们能够覆盖的范围极广，应该是在亚洲最有实力的摇滚乐队之一。我感到，Endorphine的歌曲真的对我脑内的endorphine分泌有很大的帮助！

而Da是Endorphine乐队的女主音。她的声音很有重量感、爆炸力，全开的低电音吉他的声音也完全不会压倒她的歌声，但亦有浪漫的感觉，让我想起年轻时候的王菲和美国著名鄉村搖滾女歌手Amy Grant。（近年她单独的活动多，已经Da Endorphine的名义推出了三张CD，但好像还没有完全离开Endorphine乐队。）

由于Da的声音太厉害，我甚至决定封她为"亚洲猫后"！（这个称号的由来当然是"摇滚帝王"埃尔维斯-普雷斯利的中文通称"猫王"。）

除了声音，我觉得Da的形象也很吸引。容貌有点似香港的叶佩雯，短头发最适合，给人野猫般很野性的感觉。近年在中国内地"男仔头"女艺人们很受欢迎，我相信Da也吸引到很多中国粉丝...

觉得很吸引呢？在http://www.ethaimusic.com/archives/endorphine.php试听吧！

特别推介是ได้ยินไหมDai Yin Mai（听到吗？）和ภาพลวงตาPaap Luang Dtaa（虚像）。（点击绿色的箭头，播放器弹出之后，再点击播放器内的绿色箭头，就可以收听。）

在Youtube也有很多Da的短片。用Da Endorphine还是Endorphine的关键词搜索，就找到。

The Cat Queen!

2008-08-04T19:27:00.013+08:00

As I told you last time, I am infatuated with Da Endorphine, a young Thai female rocker. She has a powerful voice that Chinese would call "magnetic" yet extremely soothing and sweet. Although Da's voice reminds me of some good Korean female singers popular back in the 1980s (the quality of Korean pop music was very high then), hers is so distinct. In short, I liked those Korean singers but not enough to be crazy about... (So it is very likely that this blog continues to be the shrine of my infatuation with Da...)

I am so fascinated Da's voice that I feel the word "singer" or "rocker" is not good enough for her. I want to label this extremely outstanding singer with a more special noun.

I first thought of the word "diva." But the Time magazine alone labelled at least two Asian singers (Faye Wong and Chang Hui-mei) "Divas of Asia." So the "diva" title was not fresh enough for the very first female singer who drove me crazy. She needed something better.

So I have decided to dedicate a title of "the Cat Queen of Asia" to Da Endorphine.

This title may sound weird to Da or her fans but let me tell you that Chinese call Elvis, the King of Rock'n'roll, the Cat King (貓王 maowang). This title comes from his nickname the Hillbily Cat. So possibly the best Asian female rocker alive can deserve a grand title... At least for me...

And Da looks really cattish in one of her debut MVs (ขอวันหนึ่ง Kor-Wun-Nueng from the album พริก Prik). Close to the end of the song, she makes a move just like an annoyed cat trying to scratch you...

I hope she likes this title...

A Psychologist Wanna-be Smitten By Da Endorphine

2008-08-02T18:39:00.013+08:00

For everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven. Yes, indeed. But don't worry. I am not going to give you a sermon. I just want to tell you how I got infatuated with a a 21-year-old Thai female rock singer, Da Endorphine. (I feel very weird now because it is very first time in my entire life to be crazy about female singer. And I'll be 40 next year! I felt this kind of thing was for teenagers and not for a middle-aged man…)

One night almost half a year ago, after wondering around Bangkok for a day, I was lying on the hotel bed and watching TV. And an advertisement of a female singer's CD caught my ears. It was rocky and I loved it. But I was too tired to write the singer's name down. The ad was repeated some times while I was watching TV and I thought I was sure I would remember her name.

And the night before leaving Bangkok, I went to a CD shop. To buy the CD I saw on the TV ad. But I simply could not remember her name. It sounded like Palmy but Palmy on her CD's cover looked more like a New Age singer than a rocker. I was sure Palmy was not for me. (I later found out that the singer on TV was Parn. I like her voices but now I feel Da is da best!)

So I continued looking for the face of the rocker but I could not even remember her face. As I had said "Not too long" to my wife and son before entering the CD shop, I felt I had to hurry. So I gave up. But a CD of another singer caught my eyes. It was Da Endorphine's.

I knew her name. I knew that she was very popular in Thailand. But I had not listened to any of her songs before.

Her face on the CD (My Love Songs) I saw on the shop's shelf looked somewhat like that of a typical Japanese R&B singer. (I don't like Japanese pop music.) So she did not look particularly attractive to me on the cover of that CD. But for unknown reason, I picked up Da's CD and checked out anyway. I still don't know what made me buy it.

As I did not bring a CD player, I first listened to Da's songs back in Hong Kong in the afternoon of the day after. Da on the CD cover did not look particularly appealing to me but when I played the CD, I was immediately fascinated by her extremely powerful but soothing voice. I don't know how to describe her voice but I can only say I love it. I even felt that she might be the best female rocker alive in Asia…

And her songs immediately became my staple music. My infatuation with Da started purely by chance. But I know such a chance usually bears a large significance to my psyche. I guess every one of you have an experience or two that you met someone who was to change your life by such a chance.

So I was smitten by Da. Now I don't only feel she has a helluva voice but also she is extremely cute. She looks like a mischievous boyish woman who would bring a very big change in a boring man's life. Just like the wild-cattish and irresistably cute Midori in "Norwegian Wood" by Haruki Murakami… Now looking at Da's pictures, I do not understand why I had not sampled her songs earlier. But there is a season for anything. I simply picked up her CD at the right time in my life...

I don't know what will happen to me from now on but I am sure that Da is going to change my life in a positive direction. I know my anima image has been projected on her and I will learn what I want or what I can do through my infatuation with Da. Anyway, as I am a psychologist-wannabe, a dream girl named "Endorphine" sounds just perfect.

Anyway, she is just terrific. I love this clip the best now. She rocks and is so cute!

This song is from her latest CD Sound About.

Death and a Broken Heart?

2008-07-25T14:56:00.010+08:00

This (ด้วยรัก ความตาย และหัวใจสลาย) is the Thai title of Norwegian Wood by Haruki Murakami. I know the book tells you nothing about Norway or wood. Actually, the Thai titles tell you more about this book than the original title. But it makes me wonder a lot why the Thai translator changed the title.

The original title, as you may already know, comes from a song by the Beatles. Even though it was almost impossible to listen to the Beatles in China until the 1980s, the Chinese title is Norwegian Wood (挪威森林). So many readers in the People's Republic wondered why this title explained nothing about the content of the book...

Well, Thailand has always been an open country and she accepted tourists even right after the coup in 2006. There were so many American soldiers in Thailand during the war in Vietnam and I guess the Beatles were popular among young people in Bangkok or around the US military bases. But why did the Thai publisher of Murakami's classic work have to change its title? It makes me feel a bit uncomfortable...

And why does the cover of this Thai version of Norwegian Wood feature a picture that seems to be from a Shanghai advertisement of the 1930s? I guess the Thai publisher imitated a cover of a British version of this book, which also featured a Shanghai ad girl from 70 years ago... And I know this Chinese girl is supposed to be Naoko, the symbol of detachment from the world and death.

Actually, I checked the Thai title of Norwegian Wood because I wanted to tell a young Thai singer that she was like Midori in this book. Although it seems that many mature readers love Naoko, I don't like her at all. On the other hand, the wild-cattish Midori is the symbol of life and engagement to the world. She has always been be my most favourite character in this book.

Killing a Giant White Ant

2007-11-10T11:27:00.000+08:00

I saw a very spooky dream last night. don't know what it means but I feel my unconscious mind wants to suggest something to me and it is important. If not, I would not bother to write it down, anyway...

I was in a bathtub. As I was fully clothed, I guess I was cleaning the bathroom. When I rose my eyes , I found a big white ant (not a termite) of the size of a big cockroach climbing on the outer wall of bathtub. It was coming to me. I felt a big fear that was irrational but familiar. I don't like any insect with large eyes.

So I decided to kill it with insecticide. My wife, who was crouching on the floor of that bathroom fully clothed, also noticed the unusually big white ant and told me to kill it. But she also told me to use the insecticide that was harmless to vertebrates. Maybe it was because we had a cat.

But I could not find a bottle of the right insecticide spray. So I told my seven-year-old son, who was in the living room, to bring me that bottle. However, as he was so slow and the gigantic ant was coming toward me, I grabbed a bottle of multi-purpose cleaner and sprayed it on the ant. I thought it contains surfactant and would choke the ant. Anyway, I was scared and wanted to get rid of that insect right away.

Sprayed the chemical, the ant caused an enormous amount of bubbles and grew bigger and bigger. It was so frightening but I could not do anything but watch.

Finally, the ant turned into a man, lying on the bathroom floor. He looked like somewhere in his mid-30s but I did not know who he was. When he regained (gained for the first time?) consciousness, I sprayed the cleaning fluid on his face. He protested but could not make himself understood. Anyway, I wanted to kill him.

I don't exactly know why I wanted to kill him even after he became a human. Perhaps I was not sure whether he really became a human. I would not feel not much guilt if I was killing a giant ant of the size of a human. But I did feel guilt of killing. Yet I continued spraying the chemical cleaner on his face. I also felt that the cleaner would kill an ant but not a human.

When he fell unconscious again, I stopped spraying on him. I covered his body though I was not sure whether he was dead or alive, then I left the bathroom. I had to go somewhere and was in a hurry. I worried that it would be troublesome if the police found the ant-man's corpse but I had to leave home, anyway....

Then the dream ended.

After waking up, I pondered about this dream. I am still pondering while I write this. Some words have popped up in my mind so far. The word list includes "collective", "unconscious", "mindless", "automaton" and so on. Was my killing of the ant was some kind of egocide (killing of the false part of my self)? I don't know. But I am sure that this dream at least solved one of my lingering problems; now I can add something to this blog. (I simply could not write anything even though I had a very strong desire to write something...)

The Fruitsaladist Manifesto

2007-10-17T11:46:00.000+08:00

I am a Fruitsaladist. Well, I may be a fruitcake case but now I want to introduce myself as a Fruitsaladist. So please allow me to introduce what is Fruitsaladism...

------------------------------

I simply did not know how to answer when my son's Anglican school asks me about my family's religion. But now I can answer that we are Fruitsaladists!

Well, I can say I am a Christian because I was baptised by a Lutheran pastor at 17. But I now keep a lot distance from Christianity in the past decade because this Jesus religion is getting increasingly creepier. So now I rarely identify myself as a Christian. So I cannot answer to the school that my son is a Christian.

I do not feel like teaching my son about God or Jesus. After I found out an advertisement of a movie about the discovery of Noah's Ark (claimed by fundamentalist Christian scholars) in his school textbook, I started to talk a lot about evolution with him. (The goose bumps that the movie ad gave me is a good piece of evidence of evolution, isn't it?) I feel the need to protect him the creeping wave of fundamentalism.

Well, my wife is a Theravada Buddhist but rather agnostic because of rampant corruption among some Buddhist monks in her native country. She is very disappointed by Buddhism as an institutional religion. So we rarely talk about Buddhism at home.

But it does not mean that I am not religious. I am very religious and believe in the healing power of religion. I am simply very unhappy with many institutional religions' desire to monopolise truth. I know Jesus is my great teacher but so is Gautama Buddha. Buddhism helped me improve my depression a lot. (My depression is rooted in my father complex. So I could reject his control over me by converting myself to Christianity, a religion with almighty God. But I could not solve my father complex by simply replacing my biological father with the almighty Father in the Heaven! So I had to kill God to free myself.)

I know I can tap into the healing power of other time-tested religions. I believe that the goal of every religion (at least in the modern/postmodern context) is to bring peace among people. But a religion does not fit all unlike a free size T shirt. Everyone has a different spiritual need and the right to explore more than one tradition to find the right solution for himself.

I guess many intelligent people of the world today feel the same way. Although they do not like institutional religions or do not want to subscribe to particular religion, they feel religion could bring them peace of mind.

Here I would like to introduce the idea of Fruitsaladism. It is a mixture of any religious or philosophical ideas and practices for the peace of mind. I am not going to provide you with the only right recipe. There can be as many recipes as the number of Fruitsaladists in the world. Each spiritually eclectic person can propose his/her own recipe and share with others.

So Fruitsaladism will not build a strong institution. But I think it is nice to make a loose network of the world's Fruitsaladists to share our experiences of personal spiritual journeys with each other.

Seems Silly But Take It Serious!

2007-10-16T16:41:00.000+08:00

I felt those TV dramas and movies silly and did not watch them. The main female characters were not my type of girls, anyway. But I still somehow remember those...

It was when I was in a high school and chasing after a cute boyish girl who was not interested in me at all. But I was just happy to have someone to drive me crazy. So it has been more than 20 years since then.

There were quite a lot Japanese teen movies in 1980s that high schools were taken over by some evil organisations. Rebellious students were captured by the teachers controlled by bad guys with supernatural powers and tortured in dungeons. But some beautiful girls (usually in navy blue sailor suits and dragging extremely long pleated skirts) heroically fought to set the schools free!

Those movies successfully captured the hearts of Japanese teen. My classmates were crazy about those shows and often imitated their favourite scenes. But I simply could not understand what the evil organisation wanted to do by taking over one high school? It seemed ridiculous.

But when some of those movies were remade in the past few years, I could understand why the Japanese teens welcomed those shows so enthusiastically. By then, I had struggled for more than a decade with the traumatic memories of my abusive primary school teachers. Looking back, I could feel as if my primary and junior high schools had been indeed taken over by some evil organisations!

Now I understand why my classmates loved those shows. They also felt as if their primary and junior high schools had been controlled by evil guys. Between 1970s and the early 1990s, Japanese teachers were obsessed with how to manage or control students. Students were treated as if they had been factory products. They imposed grossly outdated and harsh school rules and punished the offenders relentlessly with fists and wooden swords. I also used to see a delinquent kid with black eyes and bruises on his face and/or in a blood-stained shirt time to time at my junior high school. Anyway, many schools were frightening places in 1970s and 80s in Japan...

Perhaps I am rather a lucky one even though I am still struggling with school trauma. I can work and support myself now. But there are so many former Japanese students, now in their 30s and 40s, who have withdrawn into their rooms and refused to contact anyone. Many of them have refused any contact even with their family members for many years, even more than a decade...
Remembering those shows, I now feel how pop culture is a mirror that reflects the shadow of the society. We cannot take that lightly...

But so is everyone's.

2007-10-15T12:59:00.000+08:00

Whew! My company recently hired a new writer (after half a year) and it has lightened my workload a lot. It lightened my heart up so much even before the arrival of new colleague that I could read more than 1,200 pages last month. I felt so good!

But things has gone quite strange last week.

I first found that my reading significantly slowed down. Unexplainable fear built up in my heart. Then I got irritated so easily, thinking a lot about my primary school teachers' full-blown abuses. Uh-oh, these were signs of another depression episode. Then by Thursday, I started to feel a lot of energy draining out of me. By Friday, I hoped my life be short and I was aware that I was depressed again.

Well, I might have made my depression prophecy come true by labelling my slower reading speed, fear and irritability as signs of depression...

When my efficiency drops due to exhaustion, I tend to think about what my primary school teachers did and said to me. Although it has already been 26 years since I left the school that was more like a boot camp or a religious cult's extremely long seminar than a grade school, I still feel I am still under the control of that school's violently abusive teachers.

Over and over again, they reminded me that I was the most sinful person in the world. Over and over again, they told me that I did not understand how much they and my classmates hated me. Over and over again, I was labelled as the source of all evil, who was responsible for the bloody civil war in Cambodia and the horrifying famine in Ethiopia. Over and over again, they destroyed my identity as a Japanese national and a human being... (That is the reason why I emigrated from Japan.) I was like Damien (a devilish boy with a sign of 666 on his head in a 1976 movie The Omen). In addition, they labelled me as a mentally retarded and physically handicapped child. They even said that I should be thrown into a special facility on a mountain so that I, an eyesore, would not disturb others but would die quietly.

All these things were said by Japanese public servants, who had sworn their allegiance to the Japanese Constitution that guarantees all the human beings' dignity.

Anyway, I was supposed to have an extremely evil mind that would contaminate the entire school and eventually the whole world. Everyday was for me the day of a denunciation meeting led by a teacher and all my classmates. When I first saw a film of the Cultural Revolution of China, I cried a lot because the scene was so similar to my primary school classroom!

What did I do? Did I constantly beat classmates? Did I steal other students' things? Did I try to burn the school down? NO!

I was just a feeble kid, who could not run fast and often forgot turning my homework on time. I was not a bully but constantly bullied five years out of six. Those teachers allowed the bullies to do anything to me but severely punished me when I stroke them back. One of them even reported to my mother that I loved streaking when my arch enemy stripped me down and beat up so I ran all around in the school naked, crying loud! (Their logic is that if I had not been there, there would have been no bullying! So they wanted me, not the violent bullies, to disappear.)

I don't know what made my teachers to label me evil. But I feel I was an unpleasant kid for a teacher to have as a student. I was exposed to information from overseas as my father was a seafarer. I wore a more urban hairstyle. I did not look like a Japanese (so Tokyo cops often stopped me while I was taking a walk at night in my 20s). And I was sick and feeble so I could not run fast, i.e. I would be useless in the next war. (I don't know why but the teachers always talked about the next war even though it is illegal for Japan to fight any war.) I guess I was simply an eyesore.

But because of that I have always had to face the evil inside of me. I have always imagined it as an abyss that if someone dropped, he would not reach the bottom in thousands of years. I imagined of me falling in the abyss, die while falling and continue falling even after I turn into skeletons and then into dust. It is indeed a chilling image. But I felt I deserved it because I was evil, anyway.

However, it is crystal clear to my intellectual side that my teachers were insane. I know it is immoral to find the source of all evil in a feeble, horrified kid who repeated petty misdeeds such as forgetting his painting set for an art class. It is indeed illegal and unethical to beat a student with a bamboo sword for such a small mistake. Above all, physical punishment of any kind was/is illegal in Japan. I also think it is unethical that the teachers carry weapons such as bamboo or wooden swords in a school so that they can beat students for any possible reasons (such as looking bored or unhappy). Being a champion of morality while ignoring laws is nothing but immoral and unethical.

I know my teachers were crazy. Even though they said I was evil, now I know they were the evil ones. So I am angry. (I thought I was evil so I deserved the teachers' all those punishments until I was 18 when I found out that any physical punishment was prohibited by a then 30-year-old national legislation in Japan.)

But my soul is still frightened. My soul is still crying under the crushing weight of guilt. My soul is still trying to take personal responsibility for what is happening in Sudan or Iraq...

It caused a big struggle in my heart in last few days. Even though I did not want to label myself a victim, even though many (including some psychiatrists) had told me to forget and grow up, I peeled off all the evil labels on me and put them back to the teachers. And I imagined about all those teachers taken to a court of law as defendants of a criminal case. I let my anger explode so that I could quit being the source of all evil.

I feel good this morning. I guess I have successfully rejected the evil long imagined in my heart.... From now on, I am going to take responsibility only for the things I am really responsible. Well, I know it does not waive me from my share of collective responsibilities (such as environmental pollution or awareness of human rights) that everyone has to bear, though....

Still, I know some part of me (the Ego?) is evil. But so is everyone's.

My Will

2007-09-13T10:59:00.000+08:00

After I die
Please go and find
A cardboard box and
A small can of baby formula.

After I die
Please place my body
In the cardboard box and
Burn it into fine ash.

After you cremate my body
Please put the ash in the can.

After I die
Please don't buy
Any piece of land for my tomb.
I don't want to be weighed by
A boring tombstone for years to go.

But please do remember to
Take the can with my ash
To a windy place on a windy day
So that I can fly into the air
So that I can travel freely
And reincarnate into many different things.

And please do remember to
Recycle that can of baby formula...

I hope I can live as long as God, Tao, Dharma or
Whoever/Whatever permits
But I feel it is useful to remember
That my body will die someday...

A Fat Angel

2007-03-27T21:42:00.000+08:00

I am a fat angel sent to you
By yourself
So that you can realise that
You are actually a goddess
Glorious and victorious.

I cannot fly but I don't care.
I have no burden to carry
So I can walk freely.
I cannot fly and it has reason.
I am here and now with you
To teach you how to fly
With your soles touching the ground.

I am here and now with you
So that you can put down all the burden
Which you've believed would allow you fly
But actually only drags you down.

You can fly freely,
Only if you put down all the burden
And set free the goddess glorious and victorious
Who resides deep within you and
Who is actually yourself.

I am a fat angel sent to you
By yourself
So that you can free yourself
So that your mind can fly.

The Dawn Train

2007-02-24T19:10:00.000+08:00

Even if a leaf withers in the end, the world would never change.
Even if a flower opens in the beginning, the world would never change.
You'll have to forget him while in love, if he is destined to go.
My impoverished silent love is blown away in the wind.

Run, the Dawn Train! Go penetrating this darkness!
Go casting away my prolonged wondering
In the dawning sky!

Even after many thoughts, love would be nothing but love.
Even if the Sun set in the east, a life would be nothing but a life.
When old stories disappear one by one like stardusts
and the eastern sky gets brighter, I will see a vast plain.

Run, the Dawn Train! Go penetrating this darkness!
Go casting away my prolonged wondering in the dawning sky!

(This is my poor translation of a Korean song I loved when I was in the late teen. I recently happened to find the original words on the Net. It feel it very strange that I can still sing this song almost 20 years after I listened it last time. Even though it is a melancholic song, I love it because I can see some hope in the part "Go penetrating this darkness!" Since I felt some significance in my re-discovery of this song after 20 year, I translated so that I could share with all of you...)

새벽열차

마지막 잎이 진다고 해도 세상은 변하지 않으리
처음 한 꽃이 핀다고 해도 세상은 변하지 않으리
헤어져야할 사람이라면 사랑하면서 잊어야지
가난한 내 침묵의 사랑 바람 속으로 흩어져 가네

달려가자 새벽열차야 이 어둠 속을 빠져나가자
늙어버린 내 방황을 새벽 하늘 속에 버리고 가자

아무리 생각해도 사랑은 사랑일뿐이야
해가 동쪽으로 진다고 해도 인생은 인생일뿐이야
별빛같은 지난 얘기들 하나 둘씩 사라지고
동녁 하늘이 밝아오면 넓은 들판이 나타나겠지

달려가자 새벽열차야 이 어둠 속을 빠져나가자
늙어버린 내 방황을 새벽 하늘 속에 버리고 가자

(한돌 사/곡 / 신형원 노래 VOL2 / 1987)

Dear God

2007-02-19T10:18:00.000+08:00

Dear God,

When I took down the rusted ancient armour and the sword
Which many people believe are yours
I became free.

When I demolished the ancient fortress mighty but choking
Which many people believe is yours
I became free.

When I allowed myself feeling with my own feelings
Not with the ones many people believe are yours
I became free.

Now I am open and happy,
A lot easier to relate myself to my neighbours
Than when I was armed with
What many people believe is yours.

I am happy here and now.
It is better than living in the hell on the earth
even if I can go to the Heaven after I die.

So I love you, God.
I can feel your love better than when I was trying to
Reach you through what many people believe is yours.

Burn me in the eternal fire of hell
If you find me blasphemous.
It is far better than
Living in the ever-lasting hell on the earth
By enforcing what many people believe is yours
To my neighbours.

I walked out from Apocalypse.
Now I live in peace and hope.

Sincerely yours,

Pete

Egoiste

2007-02-19T01:13:00.000+08:00

I opened today a bottle of Chanel's EgoistePlatimum that my sister had given me. As a northerner living in a subtropical city, perfume is a kind of necessity to me...

Egoiste smells good. But I feel a bit awkward liking Egoiste.

I am a student of A Course In Miracle (ACIM), in which Ego is treated almost like Satan... It seems quite the same as a Christian liking a product called "Satanist".

Well, this perfume did not put me in a moral dilemma. It simply gave me a chuckle...

Anyway, my awkward feeling was just my perception. And it is empty. So I can transform such a harmless perception into anything like a good chuckle that relaxes me...

BTW, A Happy Lunar New Year of the Pig to everyone! Live long and Prosper!

A Cold Day?

2007-02-14T21:34:00.000+08:00

Amy (this cat) looks very cold, doesn't she? Nah, she is just hiding from my son.
Actually, it is not cold at all in Hong Kong now... It may be the warmest winter I have ever experienced in this city... Although I miss ice-cold weather, it maybe a nightmare for Amy...

Sieg Heil in the toilet?

2007-02-13T21:42:00.000+08:00

Fühler is alive...

in some of your toilets...

controlling everyday...

the flow of flush water...

But I guess running or working for this company named "Hitler" requires helluvalot nerves, anyway...

A Rare Gift

2007-01-17T12:37:00.000+08:00

Photo: Website of Ministry of Commerce, China

"Thanks to my father, I was sent to prison when I was still a high school student. The five years of my life in jail was a special gift of fate and a rare experience for me from which I truly benefited."

Bo Xilai 薄熙來, the Minister of Commerce
of People's Republic of China

Quoted from South China Morning Post, 16th January 2007

It Doesn't Matter, Does It?

2007-01-05T16:18:00.000+08:00

Yes, I said
I wanted you to be happy
Because I wanted to be happy.

But happy you can make
People around you happy.

And happy me can make
People around me happy.

Then almost infinite circles
Of happiness start to grow.

So I said I wanted you to be happy
Because I wanted everyone to be happy…
So for whom I said this
And for whom you said this
Doesn’t really matter, does it?

So I say again that I want you to be happy
So that you and I can take a part
In making this world a happier place.

His Majesty's Career

2006-12-17T23:47:00.000+08:00

Tears of joy welled up in my eyes when I knew that His Majesty King Bhumibol Adulyadej of Thailand identifies himself also as a translator. I am so happy to know that I can have a same career as His Majesty’s.

I used to be a republican (not with a capital R) and wanted to make Japan into a republic. However, my feeling has changed a lot after knowing about the Maharacha of Thailand...

I first felt awkward about feeling enourmous respect to King Bhumibol welling out from my heart. I still do not know why. I simply cannot help myself from feeling this way.

2006-12-05T23:44:00.000+08:00

My warmest congratulations for the Birthday of His Majesty the King Bumibol of Thailand!

Thank you, Mirmo

2006-11-22T23:44:00.000+08:00

I am quite embarrassed about confessing that I love Mirmo Zibang, a Japanese cartoon series mainly targeted for girls almost 30 years younger than I. These are certainly not the books for a middle-aged man like me.

But I feel this cartoon has given me so many precious things, let me tell you about this wonderful romantic comedy...

It is indeed a simple story. Kaede (Katie in the English version), an ordinary middle school girl with a pure heart fells in love with a classmate. But another girl called Azumi also likes the boy and she has hell of a lot confidence, which Kaede does not have much.

Both Kaede and Azumi have their partner fairies. While Kaede treats Mirmo, her partner as a close friend, Azumi exploits Yatchi, a ninja fairy like her servant...

I finally found the Thai version of Mirmo. Now I can share Mirmo's happy stories with my wife, too.

Azumi uses Yatchi's magic to keep Kaede away from the boy. Meanwhile, Kaede tries her best to approach the boy without Mirmo's help. She relies on Mirmo's help only when she is in danger...

So it is quite obvious that pure and good Kaede wins the boy's heart at the end...

Kaede and Mirmo are real friends who are in thou-thou relationship. They encourage and heal each other. Now I understand why Mirmo, a prince of fairyland became Kaede's partner. Although Kaede is an ordinary girl, she indeed has a noble heart. Anyway, they make me very happy.

I don't know why but whenever I read or watch Mirmo, I feel so much moved and sometimes even tears of joy well up in my eyes. I feel as if I could meet again a very precious friend after decades...

I guess Mirmo, the royal fairy is helping me to get in touch again with my inner child.

Thank you, Mirmo and Kaede!

A Cat Is a Loner Because...

2006-11-21T16:26:00.000+08:00

A cat is a loner but it does not mean she is selfish.

A leopard is a loner, too. Because his hunting style and relatively small size do not allow him to catch a prey that can be shared with other leopards, he has to live alone and hunt alone.

A lioness can catch a large prey that can be shared with her clan members simply because she is so big.

Think about a cat again. She is small and her prey is even smaller. A rat or a sparrow is too small to be shared with other cats even if she wishes... So she has to hunt and live alone.

She is a loner simply because cats' nature does not allow them to be group-dwellers.

And she does not help herself from being lazy as she is purely carnivorous and cannot gain nutrition from virtually any food unlike omnivorous dogs. She is certainly lazy and a loner but it is not due to her choice.

Then anyone cannot blame cat's aloofness or laziness. Well, I guess this might help everyone of us understand our fellow humans, too. Before we label someone as strange or abnormal, we should think his background... If we do this, we may be able to provide him a better choice.

A Horror Exam...

2006-11-19T01:35:00.000+08:00

One exam recently exhausted me so much. It was not mine and I was not so much nervous about that in the beginning. It was my six-year-old son's.

He was not nervous about the exam almost at all in the beginning and that made his mother extremely nervous. Since she cannot read any Chinese, she asked me to help him prepare for the exam...under her supervision! That made me extremely nervous.

I suffered from severe fatigue before and during the exam. My body ached so much, too. And these symptoms remained for a whole week even after the exam was over (i.e. until yesterday)...

Well, I will have to find a better way to assist him learn. I am trying to make learning a fun but have not been very successful. (But he is more willing to do his homework when I sit next to him and copy my Thai textbook...)

I don't know if I did so due to the stress from my son's exam, I ordered the first entire set of comic books in my whole life time in the middle of the exam period. I feel quite hesitant about telling all of you what I bought. I bought a 12-volume set of Japanese cartoon called Mirmo Zibang (ミルモでポン！/魔法小米路), a cartoon mainly targeted for the pre-teen to early teenage girls. (Scary, isn't it??)

But this series of cartoons is full of positive-thinking for the Win-Win-Win (Good for me, good for you and good for the world) situation... If you feel lonely or lost, I recommend you to read this series. You might feel happy. The entire series is also available in English from a Singaporean publisher.

Anyway, reading all the 12 volumes of Mirmo in a few hours, I felt Jung was right. Although fairy tales look childish, they certainly help the readers grow...

Why Was School So Boring?

2006-11-08T20:13:00.000+08:00

I love to learn new things. Now I spend most of free time to learn Thai as if this cousin of Chinese and Indian languages were my new girlfriend.

I also spare some time to learn psychology, religion and history. I am not as intimate to them as to Thai but they are indeed fascinating friends.

I wonder why I felt those actually very fascinating things so boring at primary and middle schools...

Even though I loved to learn English then, I always felt very sleepy at English classes at school.

I feel when I get an answer to this question, I will be able to provide much better help to my six-year-old son, who feel the school is darn boring.

Any insights?

Meditation through Language-learning

2006-11-05T11:12:00.000+08:00

I have hand-copied more than twenty lessons of Manee Reader, a Thai primary school textbook.

Although I still cannot read a Thai newspaper, the exotic Thai scripts are no longer an alien writing system to me. Now I know better that repetition is quite a good way of language acquisition.

And copying at least some of this textbook before going to bed every night has not only made me familiar to this lovely (but awfully complicated) language but also given an opportunity of meditation.

I can empty my mind by concentrating on looking at the text and correctly writing each word of it. This usually frees me from thinking about twenty minutes. And pleasant fatigue from a light work also helps me sleep better.

Now I know why Chinese and Japanese Buddhists love to hand-copy sutras. It is indeed a good Zen meditation. They can free their minds while exposing themselves to the sacred teaching...

And I feel Manee Reader is indeed a sacred text. The stories of happy childhood can provide a safe haven to anyone...

The Ultimate Purpose

2006-11-03T11:47:00.000+08:00

I wonder why the Universe created life...

Did it do so just by chance? Maybe.

But I feel the Universe was so lonely without anyone who understood its majesty that it created life.

Then the ultimate purpose of our existence seems to be to understand our Mother Universe.

Then learning is our ultimate purpose...

It sounds exciting...

Feeling lost? Thank God!

2006-10-27T11:50:00.000+08:00

When you feel lost,
You are actually standing
In front of a door to
Unlimited potential.

When you feel lost,
You can try turning on
The switch of auto-cruise
Of let it be.

When you feel lost,
You can actually thank God
Because He now allows you
To tap into the rich resource
Of your unconscious mind.

I want to say congratulations
To you for feeling lost...

Burnt Out

2006-10-05T16:25:00.000+08:00

Dear all,

I am very much surprised that this blog has had at least a few visitors a day despite extremely slow updates. Thank you!

Well, even though I made several attempts to put something in this space, I could barely write. I have been exhausted these days after my work hours increased a little bit...

I was a bit ashamed of being burnt out just because of one and half hour's work. Even after additional hours, my work hours are not particularly long. So once I lost confidence in my physical and mental strength...

But wait. Even though my work hours extended by less than two hours, my daily output increased at least by 50%! And now I start working at seven in the morning! It is no wonder I burnt out. After finding this out, I feel easier. I can take a rest even when others are still working...

-----------------------------------------------
Thai Update

I am still plunging into Manee Reader, a classic kindergarten Thai-language textbook in most of my free time. I have finished reading the Lesson 21 out of 44 so far. As this textbook gradually introduces Thai alphabets, I can learn the Thai writing system at ease. After a month with Manee, the exotic Thai alphabets have become much less foreign to me...

So I recommend this textbook for anyone who has had hard time learning Thai using other textbooks such as Teach Yourself's.

But the Thai writing system is extremely complicated. When the military coup happened in Bangkok last month, I learned the Thai word for coup; It is patiwat but spelt ptiwati. Bewildering, isn't it? And I still wonder why a word spelt Kinrii (a legendary flying woman) can be pronounced as Kin-na-rii. Learning to read Thai is really nerve-bending...

Still Unwinding...

2006-09-14T23:43:00.000+08:00

I have noticed quite a lot people have visited this blog these days. Thank you!

But I am still waiting for something to come out from my finger tips. Maybe it is reaction to my hard work during summer under high fever...

I still need some time to unwind myself and free my soul so that I can write freely.

Well, I have proved that we need to take a good rest while being ill. Health is more important than a job but I often forget it...

People Are Friendlier Now Because...

2006-09-04T21:54:00.000+08:00

I am now studying Thai as if I were possessed. I am so much obsessed to read, listen to the online sound files and copy the Web contents of Manee Reader, a mother language textbook once very popular at Thai primary schools, in whatever free time I find.

I don't remember how many times I had tried to learn this southeast Asian language. But I do remember I first picked up a Thai textbook in the early 1997. This time, I failed because I had no strong reason... But, even after I got a stronger reason by marrying a Thai in 1998, my every attempt to learn her language failed.

But it is very different this time. I can quite comfortably cruise through the Website and I have memorised almost all the text up to Lesson 7. I feel it is easy and fun to learn the complicated Thai script. My brain just absorbs so nicely the language that I had always felt indigestible...

I wondered why and found that my impression to Thailand had greatly improved on this summer's trip to Chiang Mai. I felt Thais were friendlier than on my previous trips to the country.

When I said this to my wife, she simply said that it was not that Thais had become friendlier to me but I had become friendlier to them. She added that "You are now much more pleasant person than before. This summer's trip was your first one to my country after you had got rid of bad haemorrhoids..."

I became friednlier to myself so others also became friendlier to me...

Manee Has Eyes, a Crow Has Eyes...

2006-08-28T09:40:00.000+08:00

Recently, I have started learning the Thai language seriously. Although I have been married to a Thai for more than eight years, I only know a few northeasestern Thai phrases (actually, these are Lao phrases) so I felt a bit ashamed when I visited Chiang Mai earlier this month. That's the reason why I picked up a children's penmanship book at a bookstore in a northern Thai city...

Thai is really a tough language. Well, it is phonetically easy as I already speak one tonal language (Cantonese dialect of Chinese). The grammar is also very easy as Thai nouns and verbs have no changes, just like Chinese. But I am struggling with its script. It is extremely complicated....

There are more than a few letters that represent the "s" sound. Almost every consonant has at least two letters. Well, it is not entirely irrational as each consonant letter not only represent the consonant value but also tone. But some consonants have more letters than the tones require.... I guess these letters represent the sounds that are different in Pali or Sanskrit but the same in Thai so that the reader can know the origin.

But I am still not defeated by the legion of mighty Thai letters. I want to make it my fourth language (after Japanese, English and Cantonese). Well, I like Thailand so it would not too tough, though...

I am now learning Thai, using an primary school textbook called Manee Reader. It is about a rural Thai girl called Manee and starts with "Manee has eyes, a crow has eyes, the uncle has eyes." Reciting the simple Thai phrases like a fool, I cried. I don't know why.

But I know it is not tears of sorrow but of joy. I guess it is the joy that comes from the hope of growth. Living in a developing country, Thais still have much more dreams than the ones from developed countries... I envy them.

Again From a Newspaper Ad

2006-08-21T22:22:00.000+08:00

A huge diamond can naturally make you happy.
But it still does not match
having the heart of compassion in you!

**********************
I love this ad because it does not deny the joy of having a diamond...

A Precious Moment

2006-08-20T23:21:00.000+08:00

The following is a theme song from a Japanese romantic comedy anime Mirmo Zibang! （港題”魔法小米路”）Although it is a simple song for children, it has moved me so much. So I want to share it with my poor English translation (please find it below the Japanese original).

プレシャス・モーメント

おろしたての　シャツを着て　歩きだそう
朝のひかり　キラキラと　誘ってる

傷ついた　その分だけ　優しくなれるから
きっと迷った日も　泣いた日も
大切な
宝物

どこにだって　あるような　一日にだって
すてきな
一秒
詰まってる
未来のドア　開いて　さあはじめよう
新しい季節が　待ってる

白い地図の真ん中で誰だって
自分だけの行先を探してる

大丈夫　どんな夜も　明日につづくから
そっと手を伸ばせばいつの日か
輝きを
つかめるよ
遠回りで気づいた　探してた夢は
素直に
ならなきゃ
見えないね
曇り空の下でも　心の中に
いつも太陽抱いてゆこう

***********************************************

A PRECIOUS MOMENT

Let’s start walking, wearing new shirts.
Morning shine is inviting us.

The more we hurt, the kinder we can be to others.
So even the days we felt lost
And even the days we cried
Should be our precious treasures.

Even an ordinary day is filled
With precious moments.
So let’s open up the door to the future
And start walking.
The new season is waiting for us!

On the middle of a blank map
Everyone is looking for his destination.

But don't worry.
Because any night changes into a morning.
Just hold out your arms quietly,
You can touch the glory someday…

We can see the dream we have searched in a long way around,
Only when we are true to ourselves.
So even under the cloudy sky,
Let’s go on walking,
Holding the Sun in our hearts.

From Today's Newspaper Ad

2006-08-18T18:36:00.000+08:00

Compassion has no enemy.

Wisdom causes no worry.
- Ven. Shengyan (A Taiwanese Zen master)

Stop Being a Crybaby And Grow Up, Japan!

2006-08-16T22:10:00.000+08:00

I guess Japan lost the World War II a bit too comfortably.

She was forced to return all the territories gained through the wars in the modern era. But her torso remained intact, unlike Germany, Korea or Germany.

Japan was air-raided. That killed a lot people, I know. But think about what Russia and China suffered from the war.

Her emperor stayed on the throne. And he even managed to keep the Imperial title even though he lost the imperialist war.

She did not have to pay any compensation to the Allied Powers. Although both China received much much more serious damage from the Japanese brutality, she did not demand Japan to compensate their losses.

Japanese often say that Japan was put under the total control of the United States and was actually mere a U.S. colony after 1945. But the U.S. allowed Japan to maintain her currency undervalued for so long. Japanese were allowed to speak their own language and say whatever they wanted to say, without worrying about making Uncle Sam angry, at least after 1950s. America even kept her market open to Japan until she became rather threatening...

So the U.S. control over Japan was just more like a very humane surveillance to a delinquent high school kid than an oppression. We can see it from Japan's breakneck speed of economic growth under the U.S. umbrella.

What kind of disadvantage did Japan suffer from the U.S. control? It was much looser than in South Korea, South Vietnam, the Philippines and many small Latin nations in the U.S. backyard.

And she was allowed to indulge in an illusion that she was a victim of the WWII. Japanese tried hard to remember about their pain during that war. They tried hard to remember how miserable a war is. That may be a good thing. However, they totally did not care about who the hell started the fire.

It was a big mistake that started to bug Japanese after 1980s when her neighbours started to afford more time to remember about their painful past... While Japanese remembered their past pain in the economic boom that the human kind might have never experience before, China and Korea were suffering from the great divisions, which the WWII - the war they won - had brought them. They haven't achieved the reunification yet!

Actually, Japan has gained indeed helluvalot from the war it started and lost. Japanese do not want to face it.

Stop being a crybaby and grow up, Japan!

強烈抗議小泉拜鬼！

2006-08-15T09:46:00.000+08:00

強烈抗議小泉拜鬼！
靖國神社絕不是祈禱和平的地方，而是讚揚日本軍國主義的設施

My strong protest to Japanese premier's visit to Yasukuni Shrine.
The shrine is not a place to pray for ever-lasting peace
but is an institution to praise Japanese military aggression.

Remember, Japanese preimier's visit to Yasukuni is also a horrible insult to the Allies, especially to the United States.

發高燒了

2006-08-13T21:35:00.000+08:00

發高燒了。即使體溫差不多四十度，有今天要寫完的報告...

吃藥，退一點燒就著出擊，寫一個鐘頭左右，發燒到甚麼都想不到便撤退，好像是攻擊非常非常堅固的城堡...

不知明天怎樣但。現在想的只是休息...

祝我好快好番啦！

High Fever

2006-08-13T21:21:00.000+08:00

I caught a flu and can barely write anything under a near 40-degree fever...

Please wish me get well soon. I know your wishes, prayers or hopes help me a lot! And wishing someone get well will help you live more happily.

Thank you!

Maestro

2006-08-09T23:49:00.000+08:00

Today's sell-off comes from the buying spree some time before.

Today's low comes from the unreasonable high some time before.

A recession comes from the irrational exuberance some time before.

We know that quite well but we hate to control exuberance. It makes us feel soo good! And that often ends up with us trying very hard to stop the slip of anything (except our weights)...

Many of us fight depression. It is a very tough job. But it may be much easier to handle if we are aware that depression is just a pullback from the previous irrational exuberance. Anyway, it is much easier to check the upside of anything that is going up (again, except our weights) than to keep something from slipping. Both economies and our psyches seem to be subject to the law of gravity...

Maybe we can learn a lot from Mr. Alan Greenspan about maintaining our mental health. His art of steering of the U.S. economy to the middle-of-way would make us maestri of peace of mind...

Smile And Just Think About...

2006-08-08T23:59:00.001+08:00

A distress sticks to you
While you tries to get rid of it.

If you really want to get rid of what bugs you,
Just walk away from it and smile.
Then think about how you can make
Yourself and everyone else happy.

A distress sticks to you
While you tries to get rid of it
Because it is in the centre of your thought.

So smile and just think about
How you can make everyone happy.

Her Flag and Her Monarch

2006-08-07T23:37:00.000+08:00

All the Thai towns we visited this time (Bangkok, Chiang Mai, Chiang Rai and Mai Sai) were flooded with the national flags and pictures of Thai king. It is because this year is the 60th anniversary of the King's enthronement.

And His Majesty's recent hospitalisation for a surgery made people display more flags and portraits to express their wish that the beloved monarch get well soon... (His Majesty was released from the hospital on 4 August.)

Many families hoisted at the gates of their homes small tricolour national flags and yellow flags to commemorate the 60th anniversary of their king's accession to the throne. And many large companies, hotels and universities displayed gigantic royal portraits. Thais love their flag and monarch so much.

The flags and royal portraits were so ubiquitous and their numbers so bewildering. I haven't seen any other country filled with so many of her national flags. Well, I guess it is only matched by some parts of Taipei, especially around the government offices that lost much significance in the past decade under Lee Teng-hui's de-Chinification of Taiwan...

I somewhat envied that Thais can so frankly profess their love to their flag and the king. You can walk around a Japanese town without spotting one Japanese flag. Even if you visit one hundred families there, you will not find even a portrait of present emperor. Japanese feel so ambivalent to their flag and their emperor.

It made me wonder why and reminded me that the Thai king dethroned himself after Thailand lost the World War II as an Axis nation and let his son, who headed the Thai government-in-exile in the United States, succeed the throne. This nominal coup freed Thailand from her burden of being a friend of Japan, the major Axis power.

It may be the reason why Thais' attitude to their national flag and king very different from that of Japanese... But I still am nore very sure. I guess the bewildering number of Thai flags and the portrait of the King has given me an interesting homework...

I Am Back!

2006-08-06T00:28:00.000+08:00

I flew back from Thailand to Hong Kong a few hours before...

Although I am still tired and do not feel like writing much, I share a few of my favourite photos that I took during the trip to northern Thailand...

A "Long Neck" Akha tribe girl near Chiang Rai.

Although I managed to step onto the territory of one of the most seclusive countries in Asia, I failed to be admitted to it. My guide said that a high-ranking Myanmarese military official was visiting the border town and security was much tighter than usual... I suspect it was related to Caretaker Prime Minister Thaksin's sudden visit to Burma.

Many Buddhist temples in Thailand are de-facto sanctuaries of ownerless dogs...

去旅行啦

2006-07-31T12:27:00.000+08:00

去旅行啦～～～！

過去兩年半第一次出國，有緊張喎。

一家大細三口旅行都執番o黎，
已經準備好喇！

但係，我哋都冇乜特徵，
有怕巨大機場好難搵。

所以我向我老婆大人建議，
上貼好核突圖案，
怕醜到冇人會走...

於是，建議三個上貼
梁進『魚肉燒賣』圖案。
魚肉燒賣叔叔FAN屎我仔好開心，
但被夫人嬲....

我星期六夜晚先返香港，
所以呢個網誌都休息一個星期。

The Most Annoying One?

2006-07-30T23:59:00.000+08:00

I often felt annoyed about the people who dared to do what I would not do.

But actually what they did were very tiny things. They simply set off the moral alert inside me that "Why do they dare to do while I am enduring the pain?"

However, the only reason why I endured the pain was my moral pride. I just wanted to feel "I am better than they." We try to keep our pride to feel good but this pride often betrays us by making us furious.

I am less annoyed by anyone these days. By allowing me to do the little mischief I did not dare to do before, I feel much freer and it is much easier for me to understand my former offenders.

I only kept moral pride so that I could cover up the war that was going within me. I do not need such pride anymore after signing a truce with myself. Then it is a lot easier to behave as I want without being naughty...

Actually, the most annoying one to me was myself...

-------------------------------------
I will be away from my PC for a week from tomorrow. I'll be on a vacation in the Golden Triangle, northern Thailand...

Judge Not

2006-07-29T22:03:00.000+08:00

A judgment hardens anyone's heart.
It will hardly calms down an angry heart.
It will hardly make a lazy one diligent.
It'll give you neither a good student nor a good colleague.

When you feel like judging someone,
just invite her for a cup of tea or coffee
and just have a friendly chat.

I know what she wants is not another criticism
but a friend who is willing to listen to her heart,
with which even she herself is out of touch...

Misbehaviour is usually a cry for help, not a curse.
Before it turns into a real curse, be a friend with her.

Yes! Magazine

2006-07-29T11:42:00.000+08:00

晚上去執垃圾，每次見到Yes! Magazine（香港一本teen雜誌）就執番黎，不知不覺已經有幾本喇。我唔怕人哋在我房搵到幾本鹹書，但卻怕被人知我（一個卅幾歲叔叔）隱藏幾本Yes! Magazine…

而封面女郎全部都係Fiona薛凱琪… -_-; 連我自己都唔知過我咁鍾易佢。

發覺到自己鍾意Fiona，少少驚，因為我覺得鍾意佢就可能代表，我係個隱性金魚佬… 所以我諗～諗～諗～Fiona乜咁吸引…

答案係好簡單。就係佢眼睛。雖然佢好似係個乖乖、聽話玉女，但佢眼睛好有力量，而好似好貪玩。咁樣女仔好似係貓貓咁好難以控制。

呢幅相Fiona少少似日本AV女郎...

已家我知道呢件事，好放心喇。

我冇想過控制個女仔。容易受到控制女仔好悶，令我發癲…

不過，唔鍾意容易控制到女仔，係唔係我唔係金魚佬證明呢？

Where Am I?

2006-07-28T13:02:00.000+08:00

But stepping back just a bit, I can see an entirely different picture...

懶人成功術

2006-07-28T11:32:00.000+08:00

少時老人常言「以勤補拙」，「成功靠99%努力和1% 天份」，等這些話言在耳邊起繭後，仍然沒有絲毫勤勞的跡象。算了，天生我才必有用，懶人也有懶人的處世方式，不過仍然對「成功」兩個字有無限的憧憬，一看「懶人成功術」，禁不住四眼發光，鼓起那股勤勁「刨」起來。

作者開宗明義地說道：人應當「聰明的工作而不是努力的工作」，那些「懶惰的成功者」才真正會工作、會生活的人，也才是真正意義上的成功者。

甚麼才是「懶惰的成功者」呢？首先得從如何界定「成功」談起。作者指出，現在社會所定義的「成功」，都是以「名望和財富」作為標準的，而這種成功往往需要人們在身心健康、家庭、社會生活以及個人自由方面付出遠遠高於你想要付出的代價。當你登上自以為成功的巔峰回過頭一看，常人輕易就能夠享受的那種豐富、輕鬆、快樂和富有創造活力的生活，自己卻幾乎一無所有。這究竟是成功還是失敗呢？要成為「懶惰的成功者」，作者的貼士是：

1. 不該懶惰的時候不能懶，該懶的時候則要懶，張弛有度，一切以效率為轉移。懶人成功的核心秘訣只有一條，那就是高效率的工作，用4小時完成別人14小時才能完成的任務。

2. 選擇做自己擅長的事情，為自己喜歡的事情工作而不是單單為了追求一份高收入。只要熱愛自己所從事的職業才可能有高效率的動力，也才能體會真正的滿足與快樂。

3. 具備創造性思維。一個人的思維愈具有創造性，就愈不用完全依靠努力工作來取得成功，創造性是懶人成功的基本要素。

4. 認清金錢的真相，不要把賺錢當作人生的唯一目標。金錢只是幫助自己成功的一種工具，而不是目的，擺脫金錢的束縛可以解放人的創造活力。與單純為了錢才從事某種職業的人相比，從長遠觀點看，享受自己所從事的工作的人最終能賺到更多錢。

5. 善於分配和利用時間，遵循「80-20法則」（即一切工作的效率的前80%來源於工作者時間和精力的前20%），尋找最有效的成功途徑。

書名：The Lazy Person’s Guide to Success: How to Get What You Want Without Killing Yourself for It

作者：Ernie Zelinski

出版社：Ten Speed Press

撰文：劉奇明

來自於香港經濟日報(2005年4月27日)

Me, Tomorrow (I Hope)

2006-07-27T11:11:00.000+08:00

An Avant-garde Japanese Poem

2006-07-26T23:58:00.000+08:00

Even though it is the hottest time here in Hong Kong, my creativity is sleeping like this very short poem...

I hope this black dot start moving soon like a bear coming out of hibernation and grow into my own words...

Me, now...

2006-07-26T22:11:00.000+08:00

A Tough Time with Miss Universe

2006-07-25T23:59:00.000+08:00

I tried hard to figure out what was particularly beautiful about the new Miss Universe and other contestants. But I failed.

Looking at a picture of these tall ladies unformly with heavy makeups and unnaturally large mouths, I wondered if I had a twisted sense of beauty. Because I found none of them particularly beautiful.

The word I came up with those ladies was plastic. They simply looked so unnatural.

Well, I feel the same way whenever I see the pictures of party celebs on a newspaper or a magazine. They look so unreal and intimidating.

I am sure someone would tell me that I am not normal because I cannot find beauty in whom or what many people find beautiful.

But the sense of beauty is highly subjective. I feel that conforming such a basic sense to the mass or so-called authorities may be the beginning of loss of my freedom...

Ten Years

2006-07-23T23:03:00.000+08:00

I settled in Hong Kong today ten years ago (23 June 1996). Well, I am not surprised that I have been in this former British colony for ten years as I fell in love with her when I visited her for the first time in 1995.

My first visa to Hong Kong issued by British Embassy, Tokyo ten years ago.
I came to Hong Kong just a year before its handover from the U.K. to China.

But I am surprised by how distant my former home has become. I have not been back in Japan already for five years so far. Although I recently planned to go back there for a short visit, I decided not to go because I could feel any familiarity to the country anymore. It is already not a country where I can go back but more like a foreign country...

Well, I felt I was back when my plane landed on Hong Kong International Airport after my last visit to Japan in the summer of 2001. It was two years before I beame the citizen of this city.

Tears well up in my eyes whenever I look back my past ten years in Hong Kong.

I covered the entrance of the People's Liberation Army to the last British colony in Asia few hours before her handover to China (at 9:00 p.m. on 30 June 1997) as a reporter.

Then I got an opportunity to support Hong Kong Special Administrative Region (SAR) government midst of the Asian Financial Crisis in 1998 again as a reporter. Writing about the SAR's ability and determination to maintain Hong Kong dollar's stability, I felt as if I had been a war correspondent. I started to identify as a Hong Konger-to-be that time.

But nothing makes me cry more than the memories from the SARS (Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome) crisis of 2003. The epidemic of this mystery disease depressed the entire city. But the courage of heroic medical workers and kindness of Hong Kong people under the crisis made me love this city even more...

I was granted the permanent residency, the quasi-citizenship, of SAR after the worst crisis she had ever experienced after her liberation from the Japanese occupation in 1945.

So now I feel Hong Kong is the only place for me to go back, if I go out of it. Well, then I should have written this in Chinese, though...

Midori's Gravity

2006-07-21T23:59:00.000+08:00

Thank you Marley and Anna for commenting to my post about Haruki Murakami's Norwegian Wood.

I always see both Naoko and Midori (the wild girl) equally as persons but of extremely different roles. As I was in a situation extremely similar to this novel's more than a decade ago, I cannot reduce a real person to just an experience.

I see Naoko (that means a honest or straightforward girl) as a symbol of a closed and self-completed world. It is beautiful but when boys and girls become men and women, this world is almost destined to collapse, at least in the modern society.

But Kizuki, Naoko's first boyfriend could not bear this transition and killed himself at 17. And Naoko followed his suit a few years later. Both failed in the modern initiation that is much, much subtler than that of traditional society. Maybe they would not have had to leave this world prematurely if they had been born in a pre-modern society as preservation of how the way things are have a greater significance than the establishment of self there.

As Kizuki was his only friend, Watanabe had a longing (perhaps unconsciously) of this beautiful closed world. So he tried to take care of Naoko. But he was a much more modern, independent person than his two friends. As a result, Naoko left this world but he stayed.

Midori (that means green and represents life) is also a very independent person. Her parents died before she graduated from university and she had to take responsibility in discharging her dead father's bookstore business. She found her ideal boyfriend in Watanabe (quite unconsciously) and tried to pull him out from the closed world of the past (again, unconsciously).

I guess her strong sexual drive is a symbol of life. She is a representation of Eros that is life-energy, while Naoko is of Thanatos, the death-energy. (Talks about the contrast between these two energies were so popular among Japanese intellectuals in the 1980s when Japan experienced the last economic boom after 1945.)

So Midori dragged Watanabe out to the world. Because he had to face the open and unfamiliar world in order to go on living...

I love Midori better than Naoko because I want to see my world going unfolded. But Naoko seems to be more popular among the Japanese readers. (Is it due to Japanese glorification of death? Or is it because of nostalgia about the pre-modern society, which enabled Japan's economic growth into the 1980s?) It seems to be the same in Taiwan. (Maybe it's the same in the westen world as the girls on the English versions' covers should definitely meant to be Naoko.)

However, in the mainland China, readers love Midori much more. She represents hope and future. In a country whose economy grows more than 10% a year, Midori is definitely more real than the ghastly Naoko...

-------------------------------------------
P.S.
I am still working after Friday midnight... It's almost the fate of a freelance writer/translator. I feel a bit nostalgic about my employed past when I had to do thing but enjoy in the Friday/Saturday nights...

香港SOHO工作的隱形重大問題！

2006-07-20T22:59:00.000+08:00

雖然SOHO是一個很舒適的工作方式，但我一直到昨天想不起香港在家工作之一個隱形的重大問題！

香港人太喜歡裝修，常常在同一棟樓內，最少在一間房做裝修，換牆、換地板、換馬桶，好鬼噪呀！連女友不停說也忍不住話的劉浩龍一定會發癲…

昨天我間房上面開始拆牆和地板，噪到連我腦中思考的聲音也聽不到，不記得自己要寫甚麼，打了「轟轟轟」三個字…唉，有排捱…慘！

Challenging Naoko

2006-07-20T22:56:00.000+08:00

I have been blankly pondering about a part from Haruki Murakami's Norwegian Woods these days. I do not remember which chapter.

I just remember the dialogue between Watanabe, the main character of the novel and Naoko, his quasi-girl friend who is in a mental asylum.

He tells Naoko that she can solve her problem -not getting moist despite her desire to make love - by relaxing.

But Naoko says that she is afraid that she would be disintegrated and blown by wind if she quit the efforts to keep her integrity.

Watanabe tells her that her that problem is mental so she can overcome it.

She angrily replies to him that all her problems are mental.

Well, she has a belief that she'd lose her integrity if she relaxed. And this seems to be the major cause of her sufferings. She is to hang herself later...

No one knows what happens if she can relax. She just keeps the fear without any ground. Too bad that nobody around her knows how to challenge her limiting thoughts.

Too bad that Watanabe or anyone close to her does not ask her "Who said that?" "What exactly does 'disintegrate' mean?" or "How will you disintegrate and be blown away by the wind? Will you really turn into dust just by relaxing?"

She has just confused a metaphor and what would really happen. We tend to equate two things that would not form an equation without a lot crooked thoughts. I guess if Watanabe knew this, she would not have to end her own life...

I have no idea why I have been pondering this. Perhaps someone is in need of this kind of help now...

I wonder why this publisher uses the advertisement pictures from the 1930s Shanghai for the works of the modern Japanese novelist... It is very very weird.

Delirium Continues!

2006-07-18T23:38:00.000+08:00

This one has been inspired by the signs (Noshi) printed on many Japanese gift wrappers.

我想有個窩

2006-07-18T23:34:00.000+08:00

　我今天偶然遇到這首很令人感動的歌。
偏愛貓的我，不知不覺落淚了。
我衷心希望世界的小貓和
其他寵物都有溫暖的窩...

《我想有個窩》
K娃
（建議用新視窗開啟這個Flash連結）

我想要有個窩
一個能吃頓飽飯的地方
可是每天的饑餓總糾纏我美麗的夢

我想要有個窩
一個能睡個好覺的地方
那樣寒冬來臨的時候我就不用害怕

我想要有個窩
可輪也不會輪到我
因為我只是一隻流浪的小貓

這個城市太繁華
我只渴望有個家
這樣的要求算不算太高

雖然我沒有高貴的爸媽
但是我一樣慢慢地長大
滿街飛旋的車輪，多麼的可怕
我們不知道，明天會發生什麼

雖然被危險緊緊地包圍
但是我學會勇敢地面對
但願世界充滿愛，人們會關懷
相同的生命，不同的命運

讓我擁有一個窩
我想要有個窩
一個能吃到東西的地方
那裏一定不會像垃圾桶裏那麼的髒

我想要有個窩
一個能找到溫暖的地方
可以不用睡在汽車下面那危險的床

我想要有個窩
可何時才能找到它
或許我真的沒有那種命吧

這個城市那麼大
小小我卻容不下
我只能認真面對我的一生

我們的生命是那麼渺小
我們的命運也微不足道
面對無情的追打，殘忍的虐殺
我們不知道究竟做錯了什麼

在萬戶千家團圓的夜晚
你可曾聽見我們的呼喊
但願世界充滿愛，人們會關懷
相同的生命，不同的命運
讓我擁有一個窩

冬天就要過去了
春天馬上就來了
我想我也會有個窩的……

世上只有

2006-07-17T23:36:00.000+08:00

今天參加我兒子的幼稚園畢業禮。其主題歌之一，容祖兒的「世上只有」真好聽。我愛上廣東話世界到移民來香港，其一原因就是甜美的廣東歌。

想不到幼稚園的畢業禮是這麼隆重的...連自己兒子的面也看不到

這個月，我遷居香港剛剛十年了。我兒子也這個月畢業本地幼稚園，快將入讀本地中文小學。看著畢業禮、聽著這首甜美而表達深情的歌，覺得香港已經是我第一個家…

世上只有
作曲：陳光榮
填詞：黃偉文

望著你講　也許更易　濃於水的三個字
從我降世　一開始　到永遠　不休止
你亦是我支柱　動力和意義

You make me cry, make me smile,
Make me feel the love is true
謝謝你的關顧　與及無償的愛護
年月漫漫　多艱苦　你也永遠優先擔心我喜惡
唯恐我並未得到　最貼身保護 Oh I love you!

但是我知　你都有夢　仍將一生給我用
全個世界　幾多種　愛與愛　在互動
也未及這種愛　能完全獻奉

Yes I do, I always do

Make me cry, make me smile,
Make me feel the love is true

謝謝你的看顧　與歷年來的愛護
年月漫漫　多艱苦　我再重也不肯拋低我不顧
從不會立下私心　怕會給辜負 Oh I love you!

Yes I love you, I always to...

今天另一首主題歌也很好。羅文的「獅子山下」。雖然「東方之珠」好像有「非正式香港區歌」的地位，其在香港的地位遠遠比不上「獅子山下」。（普通話嘛！）我覺得「獅子山下」就是事實上的「香港區歌」。

Cha Siu Bao & Siu Mai

2006-07-16T17:44:00.000+08:00

I tried to express myself in a very different way today...

Focus on the Light

2006-07-13T23:58:00.000+08:00

Focus.
And you'll see what you want to see.

Tune in.
And you'll hear what you want to hear.

Ask specifically.
And you'll get what you want.

A strong hope to forget will only
Make you focus on what you don't want.

A strong hope to avoid will only
Bring you closer to what you don't want.

So just focus on what you want.

So just focus on the Light.
Then horrible demons would change into
Resourceful daemons who show you the way
Or playful pokémons that entertain you.

So just focus on the True Light!

A Pride in Pure Luck?

2006-07-12T21:15:00.000+08:00

Maybe the achievements of my efforts are merely like a herd of penguins dancing on a gigantic iceberg of luck...

A rather strange thought came up to my mind yesterday. Am I better than a beggar I saw recently near the railway station in my neighbourhood?

This slim man covered by filth kowtowed furiously to attract passers-by’s attention. He had no leg. I guess he was a migrant beggar from the mainland China, probably taken to Hong Kong by the mafia. Although I felt pity, I passed by without dropping a penny.

I am sure I am better off than this guy without legs. I have a family, a home, skills to earn decent income and quite a good educational background. My agents and clients are happy with my work. I am more needed. But this does not mean I am better.

The very foundation of my being is just a bewilderingly long chain of chances. I was just lucky enough to be born to a decent couple in a relatively affluent country at a peacetime.

I only happened to get these conditions. I might have been born to an illiterate couple in a very poor mountain minority village in Guizhou province, China. That I was not born there was just by pure luck.

Well, I have made a lot of efforts to make myself marketable in labour market and attractive to the opposite sex. But these efforts are merely a herd little penguins dancing on a gigantic iceberg of luck...

Taking all these things into consideration, I simply cannot think that I am better than anyone. Anyway, a pride in luck is an extremely unenlightened thing.

I had a difficulty in understanding what A Course In Miracles means with the word specialness until yesterday. But I know it now. This kind of pride is the foundation of the belief in separation and is the source of our suffering…

Grapefruit

2006-07-11T22:50:00.000+08:00

Among all the fruits, my most favourite is a grapefruit.

When I peel it, I can enjoy its excellent fragrance that clears my mind.

Its sourness refreshes me. Its sweetness gives me energy. And its bitterness clears up my ever-dizzy. I love its zest that straightens me up.

But because of this zest, I could not eat a grapefruit for many years until recently. I used to have a very serious disease and my body simply could not accept any zesty food.

So what I could do was just to scratch the grapefruit peel, enjoy the smell for a while and then give it to someone else.

Now I can eat a grapefruit without worrying any horrible pain. And this big zesty fruit always reminds me how precious the health is...

Although loss of privilege would not hurt me a lot, loss of simple things that has been taken granted does. Being able to eat a grapefruit was definitely one of these things for me.

And eating a grapefruit always reminds me of the avatar of my moon goddess... Her pure and smiling eyes helped me a lot heal the horrible long-time disease.

Thank you, my sweet goddess!

(photo by Peter Yokoyama)

For everything there is a season...

2006-07-10T17:00:00.000+08:00

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.(Ecclesiastes 3:1, NRSV)

I strongly feel this verse is true especially when I read a book. My mind seems to know the right time when a particular book should be read.

I feel it now with a book about Chinese history and the Chinese translation of Milan Kundera's Unbearable Lightness of Being.

Although both have very simple structures, I once found these books awfully tough to read on. So they stayed on a bookshelf at near mint condition for more than a year until recently. Their time had not come yet…

However, I now find both extremely easy to read and quite hard to put down. And I wrote a story about the totalitarian Qin Dynasty and the Taoism of the early Han Dynasty to help a depressed friend of mine. So I think I picked up this history book again at a right time.

Although I still do not know how Kundera's book will help me, I am sure I am reading it at the right time. The novel will help me solve my own or my friend's problems somehow, sometime later.

I am very curious how it is so. But I will simply go on reading these books now because I know they are relevant to me now.

Chinese would say there is yuanfen 緣份 between me and these books. Even though the word can be translated into fate or destiny, I feel it is much gentler and softer bond brought by the forces of nature. I guess it is very close to Carl G. Jung's Synchronicity.

I don't know how it works but I know it is here always connecting me to the things and people who can lead me to enlightenment...

I Love Pretending to Be a Fool

2006-07-07T23:38:00.000+08:00

I love pretending to be a fool.
With my mouth agape and my eyes looking 45 degrees upward,
Relaxing my shoulders, hips and knees like a chimp,
I know I would not look cool at all
But it’s relaxing and comfortable, anyway!

Pretending to be handsome, I need money and time. Moreover I will have to care about what others would think about me. Not very easy.
But pretending to be a fool, I don’t have to wear suits, don’t have spend money. Actually it’s very economical and might be even very ecological!

Pretending to be smart, I have to worry because I am supposed to know anything including what I have absolutely no idea about.
But pretending to be a fool, I don’t have to worry about complicated question because no one would ask me.

Pretending to be smart, I’ll be in a big trouble if my productivity is low. I have to make efforts all the time. It’s very tiring.
But pretending to be a fool, I can create a miracle with average productivity. And I don’t have to worry much about my productivity is low.

Pretending to be smart, it’s not easy to express any emotions. Pressure would build up so easily that I would soon go mad.
But pretending to be a fool, I can laugh or cry anytime anywhere I like. I can release negative emotions so easily.

Pretending to be smart, I impose on my self the limitations from traditions, common sense or rules. I am not very free.
But pretending to be a fool, I can think free-style. I would be able to come up with a breakthrough so easily!

Pretending to be smart, accepting bondage, I would look like a Confucian or a Protestant. I could be so modern that I am utterly outdated.
But pretending to be a fool, I can wander around freely and would look like a Taoist. I am so post-modern and so avant-garde!

Actually, pretending to be a fool might be very cool!

Pretending to be smart, I will always hear Ego’s criticisms and have to think what others would think about me.
But pretending to be a fool, I can easily hear my True Self’s blessings so I would be always very happy.

But Ego tells me pretending to be a fool is very indecent so it’s actually not very easy.
I really hope that I can more easily be a fool.
Actually, pretending to be a fool needs some practice…

(Translation from Cantonese version)

我鍾意扮傻

2006-07-07T23:03:00.000+08:00

我鍾意扮傻。
開住口仔，眼仔睇住四十五度上邊，
好似猩猩仔放鬆膊頭、腰同腳，
雖然確實一都唔有型，
但最緊要好輕鬆、好舒服！

扮靚要花錢、花時間，而且要理人地諗乜，其實好麻煩。
但扮傻，唔駛著西裝，唔駛使錢，其實好慳錢，而且可能好環保！

扮聰明，要扮自己完全唔明都知道，成日要怕。
但扮傻，唔駛怕複雜問題，因為根本冇人會問我。

扮聰明，工作效率低，會被大家討厭，成日要努力，會好。
但扮傻，工作效率一般，已經係奇蹟，差少少都唔駛怕。

扮聰明，咩情緒都冇咁容易表出，好容易蓄積壓力，會發癲。
但扮傻，隨時隨地可以笑，可以喊，可容易釋放負面情緒。

扮聰明，成日都要受到傳統、常識、規矩限制，好唔自由。
但扮傻，做到諗乜都得自由型游泳思考，好容易得到突破！

扮聰明，甘受束縛，好似儒家、基督徒，好現代、好落後。
但扮傻，飄來飄去好自由，好似道家，好後現代、好先進！

其實，扮傻幾有型！

扮聰明，成日都要聽小我批評、要諗人地點樣諗。
但扮傻，好容易聽到真我祝福，會成日都好開心！

但係，小我大聲話扮傻好怕醜，冇咁容易扮傻。
我希望，我更加容易扮傻到。
其實，扮傻都要修煉…

BAKING A DREAM

2006-07-06T23:23:00.000+08:00

WHEN YOU BAKE BREAD WHAT DO YOU DO AFTER KNEADING THE DOUGH AND ADDING YEAST TO IT AND COVERING THE DOUGH WITH A MOIST TOWEL? DO YOU LIFT THE TOWEL ONCE EVERY MINUTE POKE THE DOUGH TO URGE IT TO RISE FASTER? IF YOU DO SUCH A THING YOU MAY GET UNLEAVENED BREAD WITH YEAST.

WHAT DO YOU DO AFTER PUTTING THE DOUGH IN AN OVEN? DO YOU OPEN THE OVEN COVER ONCE EVERY MINUTE AND MOVE THE DOUGH AROUND TO URGE IT TO BE BAKED FASTER? IF YOU DO SUCH A THING THE OVEN MAY COOL DOWN AND SPOIL YOUR BREAD.

WHAT YOU CAN DO IS TO KNEAD THE DOUGH AND ADD YEAST. LEAVENING THE DOUGH IS NOT YOUR BUT THE YEAST’S JOB SO YOU CAN LEAVE THE DOUGH ALONE. I BELIEVE THE YEAST WANTS TO TELL YOU TO LEAVE IT ALONE.

WHAT YOU CAN DO AFTER THE DOUGH RISES IS NOT TO BAKE IT BUT PUT IT INTO AN OVEN. BAKING IT IS NOT YOUR BUT THE OVEN’S JOB SO YOU CAN LEAVE THE OVEN ALONE AFTER PUTTING THE DOUGH INTO IT. I BELIEVE THE OVEN WANTS TO TELL YOU TO LEAVE IT ALONE.

YOU CAN MAKE YOUR DREAM COME TRUE IN ALMOST THE SAME WAY. AFTER DECIDING THE DIRECTION OF YOUR DREAM LET THE YEAST OF YOUR UNCONSCIOUS MIND TO LEAVEN IT. YOU CAN DO SOMETHING ELSE UNTIL THE DOUGH OF YOUR DREAM RISES. AFTER YOUR DREAM RISES LET THE OVEN OF YOUR UNCONSCISOUS MIND TO BAKE IT. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO MOVE THE DREAM AROUND OR POKE IT WHILE BAKING. AFTER YOU HAVE PREPARED WELL JUST LEAVE THE DREAM ALONE. IT IS A SHORTCUT TO MAKE YOUR DREAM COME TRUE. LEAVE THE DOUGH OF YOUR DREAM ALONE WITH YOUR UNCONSCIOUS MIND.

JUST TRUST YOUR UNCONSCIOUS MIND...

烤夢想的麵包

2006-07-06T14:46:00.000+08:00

想烤麵包捏麵團加入酵母蓋了濕毛巾之後妳做甚麼呢？妳會不會每一分鐘揭開毛巾用手指捅麵團以催促它快點上起來？如果妳這樣做妳得到的可能是有酵母的薄餅而不是麵包。

將麵團入烤箱之後妳做甚麼呢？妳會不會每一分鐘打開烤箱門將麵團轉來轉去以催促它快點完成？如果妳這樣做麵包會烤不成。

妳可以做的是捏麵團加入酵母。使麵團上起來的並非妳的工作而是酵母的所以妳由得麵團自己上起來。我覺得酵母也想告訴妳說不要理我。

麵團上起來了之後妳可以做的不是烤它而將它入烤箱。烤它並非妳的工作而是烤箱的所以妳由得烤箱自己烤麵包。我覺得烤箱也想告訴妳說不要理我。

實現夢想也跟烤麵包差不多一樣。決定了妳夢想的方向讓妳無意識的酵母使麵團上起來吧。夢想上起來之前妳可以做其他事。夢想上起來之後妳可以讓無意識的烤箱烤它吧。妳根本不用將麵團轉來轉去還是用手指捅。做好了準備之後妳不用理妳的夢想因為它可以照顧自己。這就是實現夢想的捷徑。付託妳夢想的麵團給妳無意識吧。

信任妳無意識吧…

English version
日本語版

Ha ha, I still cannot handle the Chinese language very well... Thank you very much for my horrible writing! If you have any suggestion or find any mistakes in my Chinese posts, please feel free to tell me! Thank you! (But irregular punctuation is intentional.)

ゆめのぱんがま

2006-07-06T09:55:00.000+08:00

ぱんをやくときにこなをこねてからいーすとをいれてぬれたぬのをうえにかぶせてからどうする？いっぷんおきにぬのをまくってふくらめふくらめといってつつきまわせばはやくふくらむ？そんなことしてたらしぼんじゃうかもね。

おーぶんにいれてからはどうする？いっぷんおきにおーぶんのふたをあけてはやくやけろはやくやけろっていってうごかしまわせばはやくやける？そんなことしてたらおーぶんのねつがにげてまともにやけなくなっちゃうかもね。

あなたにできるのはぱんきじをこねていーすとをいれること。ふくらますのはあなたのしごとじゃなくていーすとのしごとだからほうっておこう。いーすともほうっておいてくれっていってるよ、きっと。

ふくらんでからあなたにできるのはやくことじゃなくてきじをおーぶんにいれること。やくのはおーぶんのしごとだからおーぶんにひをいれてぱんきじをいれたらほおっておこう。おーぶんもほうっておいてくれっていってるよ、きっと。

ゆめもにたようなもの。ゆめのほうこうをきめたらむいしきのいーすとにそれをふくらませてもらおう。そのあいだあなたはほかのことをしてればいいの。ゆめがふくらんでかたちができたらむいしきのおーぶんにやいてもらおう。そのあいだもあなたはゆめをいじりまわしたりつつきまわしたりするひつようはないの。じゅんびがすんだらあとはほうっておこう。それがゆめへのちかみちだったりする。むいしきにまかせてほうっておこう。

We All Don't Like Homework...

2006-07-05T21:46:00.000+08:00

He was relatively happy doing his homework that day...

My five-year-old son loves calculation. He once cruised through dozens and dozens of additions and subtraction with fun. He did it as a play.

But he does not like to do math homework. It takes dozens and dozens of minutes to finish five simple problems.

He loves to write Chinese and English words. He often adds shot explanations to his drawings. When he does know how to spell what he want to write, he would ask me or check his textbooks.

But he does not like to do Chinese and English homework. It takes dozens and dozens of minutes to finish copying ten words.

He loves to draw. Even though he does not draw very well, I think he is a good designer as I love his use of colours and layout of objects.

But he does not like art homework. One day, he grudgingly drew a few stick figures for art homework and started his own drawing.

Well, I naturally have had such an experience. When I was in the middle school, I did not like Chinese history. I just did not have to remember what happened in which year, I also had to memorise all the unfamiliar Chinese names (in Chinese characters). But now without any worry about exams, Chinese history is one of most favourite topics of reading.

From our experiences, I can see obligations tend to suppress our creativity and efficiency so much while choices enhance these. And it is easier for me to understand now why some psychologists say that expressions of possibility and choice such as can, to be able to and to want can encourage us more than those of necessity such as must, should or have to…

(This post is not the translation of my newest Chinese post although these two are extremely similar.)

我們大家都不喜歡做功課

2006-07-04T23:43:00.000+08:00

這一天，他比較願意做功課...

我五歲兒子很喜歡計數。他每天很多次問家人「十減二是多少？」那樣一些數學問題。家人都不會即刻回答他，但幫他自己計算。某一天，他玩耍時非常集中地解答幾十題加減數問題，好像津津有味了。

但是，他不太喜歡做數學功課，解答五個非常簡單的加算都會花幾十分鐘才做完。

他亦喜歡寫字。畫圖畫時，他常常想加上短短的解釋。如果他不知道怎樣寫他所想寫的字，他會問我還是會查課本。

但是，他亦不太喜歡做中英文功課，抄寫十句字都往往花幾十分鐘才做完。

他非常喜歡畫圖畫。雖然他畫得不太好，但配色和佈置都很有特色，我覺得他有設計的天份。

但是，他亦不喜歡畫圖畫的功課。有一天，我叫他做畫畫功課時，他很不願意地畫了幾個火柴人便走。

我都當然有這樣的經驗。讀中學時，我不太喜歡中國歷史。不但要記年號，亦要記複雜的中國人名，我中國歷史考試的成績不好。但是，沒有甚麼需要的現在，我對中國歷史的興趣卻增加了。

由這件事，我感覺到強制會減低我們的創意和效率，而自己的選擇提高這些。又體會到為何有些心理學家說「可以」、「願意」這些詞語給人（還是我們自己）的鼓勵大於「應該」、「須要」這些表示義務的助動詞...

Without Knowing That...

2006-07-03T22:47:00.000+08:00

I often work like this without knowing that...

Although a lot people work until late, why am I always so tired after a little bit of work? According to my contract, I only work six days a week and my workload is not too heavy at all. This often makes me feel that I am not patient or strong enough so that I would time to time try to train and improve myself. But I would give up soon because I am too tired.

Why am I like this? I thought for a while and found out that I had forgotten a very important but very simple thing. The six hours are just the employment part of my work!

Apart from being employed by a news agency, I have some freelance translation and writing jobs. In addition, I go to work as a garbage collector every evening, seven days a week. And at least a few days a week, I work on translation assignments until midnight and then read for half an hour. Among these jobs, I have no tight deadline only in the garbage collection job. I usually battle with time while I write news articles. As clients are kings, the deadlines for translation orders are usually quite tight. Actually, a freelancer is not that free. Then it would be rather strange if I were not tired at all!

However, I always feel that my workload is not that heavy. Although I tended to think in the past that I had to handle three times as much work as others just to prove that I was not lazy or stupid and forced me to do too much job, this problem has already solved. Then why do I still underestimate my workload?

After pondering about this for a while, I had another discovery. Actually, I have been unconsciously looked down on my freelance jobs! These jobs certainly used to be just sources of quick cash, but it is now very important sources of my real income as I have reduced the employment work a lot. Then I can consider these freelance jobs as very serious jobs… Having become conscious about this, I no longer have to put myself in self-imposed training sessions because I can say that I am as diligent as the people who work until late.

But I have to learn how to say no, anyway…

(Translated by myself from Chinese)

我估錯了...

2006-07-03T19:40:00.000+08:00

我常常不知不覺地這樣工作...

人家由朝早到天黑，但我合約上的工作時間僅僅是每天六個小時，工作量都沒有那麼多，我為何常常這麼累呢？我感到自己沒有甚麼耐力和體力，想鍛煉、改造自己，不過，由於太累，常常好快挫折…

為甚麼我是這樣？想著想著，發現了自己好久忘記一個很重要，但非常簡單的事實：這六個小時只是我工作的“僱用部分”而已！

除了這份寫新聞的僱用工作，我還有幾份自由翻譯／撰寫工作，而且晚上甚至當個垃圾佬。每個星期幾天，拾完垃圾、回家之後都要做翻譯到半夜，然後看半個小時的書…這些工作中，不用趕的只是拾垃圾的時候而已。寫新聞一定要趕，由於“顧客是王”，自由工作其實沒有那麼自由，又要趕，那麼我不累才奇怪…

但是，我常常覺得自己的工作量不多。以往的我覺得，做比人家三倍的工作才可以證明我不是懶／傻，所以我常常逼自己做太多工作，然而已經這個問題是解決到了。那麼，我為何仍然低估自己的工作量呢？

想一想之後，又有新發現了。其實，我還不知不覺地鄙視自由工作！以前，自由工作確實只是“外快”，但大幅減少了僱用工作的現在，這些工作都是真的收入來源，我也應該視自由工作為自己的正業吧…認識到這件事，我不再須要勉強鍛煉，因為我都算是跟人家一樣很勤力工作的。

而且，我也要學習怎樣say no。

微笑天空

2006-07-02T09:53:00.000+08:00

琴晚工作時，執倒一個鞋盒。
蓋上有Artemis之名，
就係我月亮女神別名。

打開盒蓋，睇到一對
少少高short boots。
一點boyish呢對鞋，
一定會襯我女神短頭髮。

但可惜我唔知女神著幾多號鞋。
亦無論如何，
我絕唔可以奉獻垃圾俾
我親愛月亮女神。

琴晚工作後，睇到可好耐冇見月亮。
農曆初六月牙臂令我感覺天空微笑。
可能女神嘲笑諗奉獻垃圾俾佢我，
令我覺得一點尷尬，
但睇到月亮，特別係微笑月亮，
我無論如何覺得好幸福。

希望月亮微笑係反映女神心情，
我都向白銀月牙微笑喇。
希望有一天，再親眼見到妳...

I Love to Wash Things

2006-07-02T08:14:00.000+08:00

I love to wash things. Dishes, a bathroom, a kitchen ventilator, clothes, except cats, I like to wash anything. So I sometimes wonder, in my past lives, I was not just a cat and a beheaded monk but also a raccoon…

I especially like to do dishes. Finishing one after another, my hands can easily feel the result of my work.

However, as our Thai maid feels that I steal her job, I cannot do dishes now.

So I wash every evening my work uniform drenched with my sweats after the garbage-collection job.

Even though I have a washing machine, I use my hands and the cheapest laundry soap from the mainland China. If I used the washing machine, I could do more meaningful things, but I spend the majority of time, from morning to evening, doing meaningful things. And these things are my duties. (Although one can choose our jobs, it is no longer his/her choice whether s/he works or not today after a job has been chosen.) However, since washing clothes at night is my choice, I am quite willing to do.

While I wash clothes, my hands works and my brain can take a rest for a while. I can free my unconscious mind from the tyranny of conscious mind. It is a good way of stress-reduction. In addition, I feel as if my heart and soul were also cleansed as dirt goes away from my clothes. Actually, a very simple work like doing dishes or laundry is a very effective meditation. It has “the usefulness of uselessness,” which Lao-tzu once said…

我幾鍾意洗

2006-07-01T23:50:00.000+08:00

我幾鍾意洗。碗、廁所、吸油煙機、衫褲，除貓，我乜都鍾意洗。所以有時覺得，我前世可能唔但係貓同俾人殺死修士，亦係個浣熊都唔定...

我特別鍾意係洗碗。因為洗一個又一個，我雙手好容易感到我工作結果。

但係負責家務泰國姐姐覺得我搶佢工作，想洗碗都洗唔得。

所以，我而家每晚倒樓（執垃圾）工作之後，洗流汗濕晒工作制服。

我屋企有洗衣機，但用手、用中國內地製造之最平洗衣番。如果我用洗衣機，我可以做更有意義。但係有意義，我朝早到夜晚都做，而都是工作，一定要做。（我地可以選擇工作，但係一選之後，已經冇駛唔駛做選擇喇。）但係夜晚洗衫係我選擇，幾願意做。

洗衫時候，我手做，而我腦可以休息一陣。我咁樣由意識專制解放我無意識（又稱潛意識），可以減壓。而且，洗去汗同污漬，我覺得，我心都同時洗得好乾淨！其實，洗碗、洗衫咁樣好單純工作有好高冥想效果。就係「無用之用」嘛...

What Kind of Emperor Are You to Yourself?

2006-06-30T23:50:00.000+08:00

More than two thousand years ago, a king united a world surrounded by the sea, the high mountains and the deserts after hundreds of years of chaos. Since his realm was larger than any other kings had ruled, he felt the title of king was not great enough for him. So he gave himself the title of emperor. Thus he became the first emperor in this part of the world.

In order to make his empire strong and ever-lasting, this first emperor did many great things. Writing system, money, weights, wheel-gauge and measures were unified throughout his empire. Imperial highways were built from the capital to numerous important cities. These things lasted for extremely long time. Actually, the people in this part of the world still use the writing system unified by the first emperor. He was surely great in these aspects.

On the other hand, he introduced the strictest control over every aspect of lives of his subjects. He levied heavy taxes and imposed forced labour on peasants for many state projects including his gigantic place and tomb. In order to ensure all these civil duties to be observed, a very strict and lengthy penal code was introduced.

He put an extremely strict control on thoughts, too. Books other than the ones approved by the state were banned and burnt. Hundreds of philosophers who criticised the emperor were buried alive.

Do you want to live in such a world?

This reign of terror remained intact while this great yet horrible emperor was alive. But people’s discontent continued to brew… This mighty empire fell just three years after the first emperor’s death. The entire dynasty lasted only for fifteen years, much shorter than any other dynasties that reigned the whole empire later.

So the first emperor of the new dynasty reversed many of totalitarian policies that the previous dynasty had implemented. The penal code was cut to the minimal and tax was not levied in the early years of the new dynasty so that people could recover from the oppression of the ancien regime and from many years of war. Free thinking flourished. And this much more benevolent dynasty lasted for more than 400 years!

Well, this is what everyone in this part of the world knows… But we can apply this history to how we treat ourselves.

You are actually ruling yourself like an emperor. Are you constantly forcing yourself do something you do not want and suppressing what you want in order to make yourself strong and great? Or do you listen to the needs and wisdoms that come from deep inside of you and treat yourself well?

If you are experiencing uneasiness or sudden surges of emotion time to time, then you are a tyrant to yourself, just like the first emperor. But you can feel happy if you change yourself into a ruler of virtue, the one like the first emperor of the second dynasty.

And you can start changing yourself by heeding to the small voice from your soul. It’s very easy so I believe you can do this (only if you are willing)!

A Commotion

2006-06-29T22:16:00.000+08:00

In a very small part of Hong Kong's grass root level, I caused a bit of commotion yesterday.

As you see in my profile, I work as a part-time garbage collector in a housing estate in Hong Kong. So does my wife. (But she is a full-time sanitary worker.) Well, she actually arranged this job for me after seeing my severe lack of exercise after I'd started working at home.

My wife brought me yesterday a document from our company (written in Chinese) and told me to sign it. It was a notice of salary cut from HK$700 to HK$600 a month (a 14% cut). So I groaned "A salary cut!" And she suddenly got quite agitated. She had little idea what this paper meant before hearing my groan...

She, a Thai, cannot read Chinese just like the majority of foreigners in Hong Kong. So she did not know what this document was about. But she signed anyway after hearing her boss' explanation. However, he did not tell her a word that it was an agreement form of a salary cut.

After I explained her about this, she started calling her colleagues (who are mostly immigrants from Fujian province, China) and none of them knew exactly what the document was about! They are only half-literate or simply do not bother to read anything. (You can easily imagine that a university graduate is a very, very few exception there. And I am one.) And the manager could have known this. It was his duty to explain to everyone who was supposed to sign this form.

But it seems that everyone signed document as directed by the manager. So it is very likely that this salary cut will be implemented as the majority of employees have agreed to it. I feel sad and angry that the company used the workers’ ignorance and fear of losing jobs… They are already among the most exploited in this city. And Hong Kong's economy is now booming...

I still have no plan exactly how to react to this situation. Anyway, I should calm down first and think about what I can do… Well, I think I can do a lot as I am a very rare person who has a bachelor’s degree (in legal study!) there.

Indeed, the ability to read protects you. So I have started wondering how I can take a part in helping illiterate people learn how to read…

Just Make It Up Yourself!

2006-06-28T22:50:00.000+08:00

Lo Ka-ying 羅家英 as a monk in Stephen Chow's 周星馳 Journey To The West 大話西遊, one of my most favourite nonsense comedy movies. Click the pic to listen to his classic Only You.

Oh, Sariputra, form does not differ from the void,
And the void does not differ from form.
Form is void and void is form;
The same is true for feelings,
Perceptions, volitions and consciousness...*
- Heart Sutra

Tired of the search for the meaning of life?
Then simply put it aside.
I guess you might never find it
After many, many years of spritual journey.

What is the meaning of life, anyway?
Is it something that you can find outside
Just like some coins someone dropped
On the sidewalk or on the beach?

The meaning of life is nothing but
A nice label you can stick on yourself
So that you'd look better, isn't it?

Then you can easily make it up
And stick it on your forehead.
When you don't like it anymore,
Just make another one up.

You can't pick up the meaning of life
On the sidewalk or even on the beach.

No, you can't wait for someone
To give it to you, either.
Actually there are helluvalot teachers
Who'd like to lead you for their own gains.

So just make up one that you feel reliable
And keep it in your heart as a light unto your feet
At least while it can lead you...

When you give your meaning to your life,
You can really get along with yourself.

*舍利子, 色不異空, 空不異色, 色即是空, 空即是色; 受想行識, 亦復如是。-心經( 唐朝玄奘法師漢譯版)

On a Tiny Blue Grain of Sand

2006-06-27T23:22:00.000+08:00

Even this gigantic twirl of light is just a speckle in the entire Universe...

Our address is
A tiny blue grain of sand near
A yellow hot pebble at the middle of
An arm of a huge twirl of light
That is actually a mere speckle
In this gigantic Universe.

We are just like microbes
Hanging onto this blue grain.
We are so insignificantly small
But our mind is just deep enough
To perceive our insignificance
And the bewildering size
Of this Universe.

Isn't it already extremely significant?

Nothing is too big to be
Placed in our mind.
Although it takes some efforts,
We can house even
The entire Universe within us.

We know only as little about
Our inner universe as the outer one.
Since it does not cost much money,
I want to set out for an exploration
Of this deep and vast Universe
Within me.

McDull Internationale

2006-06-26T21:20:00.000+08:00

Although I have had quite a strong leaning toward the Left, I haven't listened Internationale(國際歌), one of the most important anthem of the Communist movement until recently.

The first one I happened to listen to was the one by a Chinese rock band Tang Chao (唐朝樂隊, right). I love the heavy beat of electric bass guitar in this version. It really goes well the traditional chorus of the Chinese People's Liberation Army (中國人民解放軍) style. (Listening to this, I wonder how Beethoven's Ninth Symphony sounds with the traditional chorus and a rock band sounds... Could be very good.)

Too bad that this version is banned in the mainland China (中國內地). It may be an act of blasphemy for the Chinese Communists to alter such a sacred song... (Well, the Party was actually afraid that this kind of song would be used in popular protest against the corruption among some of its cadres.)

Rock 'n' roll is indeed the marching song for lonely urban workers. Its heavy beats have always encouraged me go on advancing for my own glory.

Now is the very time I really need such an encouragement. Almost defeated by heavy workload and the summer heat, I am helped by this Chinese rock version of Internationale to keep my integrity...so that I can go on working...so that I can hold onto a hope...

And I also found that one of the theme songs (The Anthem of Chun Tin Fa Fa Kindergarten 春天花花幼稚園校歌) of My Life As McDull (麥兜故事), a very popular Hong Kong cartoon movie is based on Internationale.

I first felt it very difficult to find anything common about this humorous cartoon about a slow piglet and the Communist anthem. I guess you'd feel the same way when you see what McDull (麥兜) looks like (above)...

But I then remembered that a mainland Chinese magazine editor had once said My Life As McDull surprised him because it was so much leftist (as Hong Kong is supposed be a very capitalistic city). I do not remember what exactly made him think so. But I can imagine it as the McDull cartoon showed so much empathy to the people of the lowest strata in this city (with whom I work with now as a garbage collector). And I found the missing link between Internationale and this beloved slow piggy...

I know that this kind of empathy keeps Hong Kong, a paradise for the rich, from being a hell for the poor. And this is one of the reasons why I love this city - a curious mix of lessaiz-faire capitalism and social democracy. Hong Kong was already like this during the British rule. No woneder why her handover to the Socialist China was so smooth...

Love Is Indeed Beyond Cogito

2006-06-25T22:05:00.000+08:00

I would like to share a picture of illuminated ice sculptures from Harbin 哈爾濱, China with all the people suffering from heat like me...

It is awful hot here in the southern tip of China. Hong Kong Observatory 香港天文台 has issued Very Hot Weather Warnings already for a few days in a row. So have more than 60 municipalities in the neighbouring Guangdong province 廣東省 and Macau 澳門...

And I have been suffering from this weather. Although I had a lot job to do last night, I gave up around midnight as my brain almost melted down. The hot weather is almost like my nemesis and that makes me think that I may be a reincarnation of a Siberian Husky (I generally do not like dogs but I find these huge sled dogs stunningly beautiful) even though my grandfather told me that I had been a cat in my past life, and I had been a beheaded monk in a past-life therapy...

I remember my visit to the winter Harbin in the former Manchuria a few years ago. It was 20 degrees below zero Celsius and the sunshine was only bright and without any heat I could sense. But I walked and walked around with joy. My skin was so tight and my thought was so clear. I felt as if I had come back home.

Another cool place pic. I took this on a night train from Beijing 北京 just half an hour before arrival to Harbin at 6:30 in the morning. The 12-hour travel was very comfortable.

I love the cold weather. I loved to live in Minneapolis a decade and half ago and later went back there for a visit in the middle of winter! But I chose this subtropical city as my home (and became a citizen here, too!) instead of Minneapolis or Harbin. So I experience some meltdowns every summer.

One more pic from the winter northeast China. Somewhere in Jilin province 吉林省 on a cheap express train between Harbin and Shengyang, Liaoning province 遼寧省瀋陽. A middle-aged conductor was so friendly that I'll remember him for the rest my life...

It is very illogical for me to live in such a hot place. But I love Hong Kong. I don't exactly know what makes me love this city but I just felt it would become my home when I visited here more than a decade ago. And I have lived here for ten years already. I again feel that love is indeed beyond cogito...

But this hot weather makes me feel like cheating on Hong Kong and looking for a cool mistress... (But it's awful hot in Minneapolis and Harbin in summer, though...)

How Significant Are We?

2006-06-24T22:20:00.000+08:00

As a business reporter, I handle the large numbers such as million or billion usually together with dollars or RMB yuan. These numbers are still indirectly related our lives as the business cycle can have a great influence on our lives. But if they come with years, they can so easily blow away my thought…

These great numbers have been associated to years these days as there were many news stories about Prof. Stephen Hawking’s recent visit to my part of the world, namely Hong Kong and Beijing. Although I haven’t read A Brief History of Time or any other works by this beloved physicist, I at least have pondered a lot about the beginning of time. That led me to write my most recent poem Glad to See You Again...After Billions of Years.

It is awfully difficult to see the relationship between our mundane lives and an almost unimaginable time span of billions of years. The earth is supposed to be around 4.6 billion years old (if you don’t subscribe to the Fundamentalist Christian theory that our planet was created in the year 4004 BCE). And our species started cultivation of earth and became completely distinct from other creatures only around ten thousand years ago. (Some anthropologists say that the expulsion of Adman and Eve from Eden symbolises the human beings' transition from hunters/gathers into farmers.) If we suppose the earth were 24 hours old, the human history would only be a bit more than three minutes.

But the age of our planet is only a fourth to a third of the entire universe's. If we shrank the 14 billion years of time after the Big Bang into a day, our history would be as short as six milliseconds! Then each person's life span would be only 0.06 milliseconds at longest… It is much shorter than a virus’ lifespan in comparison to ours. (A SARS virus can live up to 15 days in blood, according to Chinese scientists.)

I don’t exactly know what kind of significance such a calculation has to our lives. Shall we think that even our biggest problem is utterly insignificant in the long, long history of the universe? It may help. But can thinking that our lives are even less significant than viruses’ empower us? Probably not.

Then how about thinking this way? We can perceive the enormity of the universe despite our utter smallness. And at least on this planet, we are the only creatures of God that dare to try understanding the entire history of the time… It expands our potential, doesn’t it? It makes me feel better, at least…